The New You & Relationships - Post-op

[Deleted]

Ok, So i have read the many marriages end in divorce after WLS due to changing attittudes by one or both parties in the relationship.

If you want to share, (and by all means keep it to yourself if you have any qualms about sharing) Tell me what happened to your marriage/relationships after WLS.

If not divorce, what other problems did you encounter in the relationship that stemmed from WLS?

I promise to be non-judgemental, even if you were the one that had a change of heart. I'm just wondering, as I discussed my plans to have a DS with my parents, they also mentioned that this could cause relationship stress.

Thanks in advance for any one that chooses to share. Right now, I am in a stable marriage of 17 years.

[Brandilynn]

Its been the same for us, but I made a concerted effort to make sure that I did not become so absorbed in surgery, that I essentially made my husband a surgery widower.

I cook us dinner around here. I do this because I enjoy it - I kept it up (essentially started to cook in bulk and "put up" things for quick dinners) even during my liquid parts of surgery. It seems silly, but to my husband, dinner means love.

I did not talk endlessly with him about surgery, I did not ask him if hee liked me better now or then, or found me sexier now or then, I just mostly carried on with our regularly scheduled life.

When I had the UMS (that's the Ugly Mood Swings from all the hormones that happened after surgery) I just remembered that I did not care to spend my recovery time in jail and so worked HARD to make sure that now, more than ever before, I did not just say whatever showed up in my head. Oil of evening primrose helped me stay out of jail, and keep forks out of my beloved's eyes also.

When I stop my purposeful movement (exercise) I tend to feel clingy and that is a source of irritation for my love. He would not/could not say it, but his reactions show its true. I had to realize when I was looking to cling onto his input instead of knowing/being/acting like my decisions were good decisions.

I just worked on making it so my behaviors towards us did not change, and when I went through hormonal dont-give-a-shits about being intimate, that I was loving and behaved intimately even when I was not particularly interested. I tended to feel differently mid intimacy, but still - sometimes I needed to behave like I cared more than I did, because my lack of caring to be intimate was not about HIM, or US, it was just hormonal.

I think that's it really. I just worked hard to not make surgery or the size of my ass or what size it WOULD be not the end all be all of what I cared to talk about, and still did the small things I do to show appreciation, and acted my way into feeling like being intimate if that was not my kneejerk reaction.

I guess that's pretty anticlimactic. :}

[goodkel]

Apr 23, 2012 9:54:07 GMT -5 @ds4life said:

Ok, So i have read the many marriages end in divorce after WLS due to changing attittudes by one or both parties in the relationship.

If you want to share, (and by all means keep it to yourself if you have any qualms about sharing) Tell me what happened to your marriage/relationships after WLS.

If not divorce, what other problems did you encounter in the relationship that stemmed from WLS?

I promise to be non-judgemental, even if you were the one that had a change of heart. I'm just wondering, as I discussed my plans to have a DS with my parents, they also mentioned that this could cause relationship stress.

Thanks in advance for any one that chooses to share. Right now, I am in a stable marriage of 17 years.

You also posted this in the DS section. Since people have already taken their time to respond to you in both places, I'm going to leave them up.

But, in the future please don't make duplicate posts.

If you would like to reach a wider audience, post on the Main board.

Thank you!

[Deleted]

Apr 23, 2012 11:29:18 GMT -5 Brandilynn said:

Its been the same for us, but I made a concerted effort to make sure that I did not become so absorbed in surgery, that I essentially made my husband a surgery widower.

I cook us dinner around here. I do this because I enjoy it - I kept it up (essentially started to cook in bulk and "put up" things for quick dinners) even during my liquid parts of surgery. It seems silly, but to my husband, dinner means love.

I did not talk endlessly with him about surgery, I did not ask him if hee liked me better now or then, or found me sexier now or then, I just mostly carried on with our regularly scheduled life.

When I had the UMS (that's the Ugly Mood Swings from all the hormones that happened after surgery) I just remembered that I did not care to spend my recovery time in jail and so worked HARD to make sure that now, more than ever before, I did not just say whatever showed up in my head. Oil of evening primrose helped me stay out of jail, and keep forks out of my beloved's eyes also.

When I stop my purposeful movement (exercise) I tend to feel clingy and that is a source of irritation for my love. He would not/could not say it, but his reactions show its true. I had to realize when I was looking to cling onto his input instead of knowing/being/acting like my decisions were good decisions.

I just worked on making it so my behaviors towards us did not change, and when I went through hormonal dont-give-a-shits about being intimate, that I was loving and behaved intimately even when I was not particularly interested. I tended to feel differently mid intimacy, but still - sometimes I needed to behave like I cared more than I did, because my lack of caring to be intimate was not about HIM, or US, it was just hormonal.

I think that's it really. I just worked hard to not make surgery or the size of my ass or what size it WOULD be not the end all be all of what I cared to talk about, and still did the small things I do to show appreciation, and acted my way into feeling like being intimate if that was not my kneejerk reaction.

I guess that's pretty anticlimactic. :}

good post, Exalt!! Thanks for posting....