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Post by lovy19 on Jan 12, 2012 20:26:33 GMT -5
I posted this response to A different thread but wanted to know if anyone else went through this.
I commend you for having the courage to even tell your sisters. I wont even tell mine because I already know what they would say,the same thing they said when I got the Lapband, Im still getting yelled at for getting that because I am more weight now with the band than I was prior to getting it. One of my sisters are basically a hypocrite because she got the RNY the same time I got the band and she is now almost double her weight, she states all weight loss surgeries are doomed for failure and if a person in fat it is because they have no choice. I would love to share my good news with my family but I can't I told my sons and my boyfriend but my sisters and brothers I cannot tell. Sadly I already have a story made up as to why I'm going for surgery. I'm glad I have a little support some is better than none, I just pray I come out of surgery alright.
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Post by sandyv63 on Jan 12, 2012 20:42:26 GMT -5
I only told a few close friends and my 2 bosses. I didn't think it was anybody else's business and since I could care less what they thought, I never felt obligated to tell them. Even now after I've lost a decent amount of weight and people are noticing, I am not saying anything about my surgery. I truly feel it just isn't any of their business. The people that I want to know about my surgery absolutely know about it and have been very supportive. Even if they weren't, it would not have made a difference to me but you must understand I found my inner bitch a long time ago so what others do/think is their business and what I do/think is mine.
My experience with people is that they tend to be negative when others experience good fortune in some form. The exception is of course supportive friends/family. As we've seen on these boards, people can be downright mean and nasty when they feel threatened and I just don't have the patience or tolerance for that kind of drama in my life. Now if someone came to me and asked me how I did it because they were truly interested in improving their own health, I would gladly tell them. But where I work, people tend to be passive-aggressive and undermining and I have too much of a snarky big mouth to tolerate it for long.
When I was out for 4 weeks on FMLA to get the surgery in November, one coworker was so pissed that I refused to tell her why I took time off, she started a false rumor about me. Then she had the nerve to ask me why I didn't chit chat with her anymore and I told her I found out about what she did and I did not appreciate it. She didn't even try to deny it but she did try to turn it around on me and make me feel guilty for not telling her my business but that didn't work either. Now she tries to be extra nice to me. I am very civil to her but it will never be the same again. Had I told her why I needed those 4 weeks, my business would have been broadcasted all over the building and I would have to endure constant gossip. Somebody would have gotten hurt...
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Post by Gail R on Jan 12, 2012 21:41:19 GMT -5
I didn't have any problem telling my family because I knew I would have their full support. Sometimes I wish that I hadn't told a few others (a neighbor and a cousin) because of their inappropriate remarks and "advice". My sisters were wonderful help and it was so good to have someone patient enough to listen to my one track minded conversations. Sadly my older sister passed away before I got my surgery. I would have loved to share my happiness with her. My youngest sister drove me to and from the hospital and stayed with me for my surgery. And then there was my mom who told everyone she knew about my miracle surgery. She was thrilled that I got my health back. I had to ask her not to tell everyone we met about it. But at 92, I let her have her fun. LOL Everyone has a different experience. I would never discourage anyone from sharing their plans with those that they think might be supportive.
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Post by lovy19 on Jan 12, 2012 22:07:11 GMT -5
I only told a few close friends and my 2 bosses. I didn't think it was anybody else's business and since I could care less what they thought, I never felt obligated to tell them. Even now after I've lost a decent amount of weight and people are noticing, I am not saying anything about my surgery. I truly feel it just isn't any of their business. The people that I want to know about my surgery absolutely know about it and have been very supportive. Even if they weren't, it would not have made a difference to me but you must understand I found my inner bitch a long time ago so what others do/think is their business and what I do/think is mine. My experience with people is that they tend to be negative when others experience good fortune in some form. The exception is of course supportive friends/family. As we've seen on these boards, people can be downright mean and nasty when they feel threatened and I just don't have the patience or tolerance for that kind of drama in my life. Now if someone came to me and asked me how I did it because they were truly interested in improving their own health, I would gladly tell them. But where I work, people tend to be passive-aggressive and undermining and I have too much of a snarky big mouth to tolerate it for long. When I was out for 4 weeks on FMLA to get the surgery in November, one coworker was so pissed that I refused to tell her why I took time off, she started a false rumor about me. Then she had the nerve to ask me why I didn't chit chat with her anymore and I told her I found out about what she did and I did not appreciate it. She didn't even try to deny it but she did try to turn it around on me and make me feel guilty for not telling her my business but that didn't work either. Now she tries to be extra nice to me. I am very civil to her but it will never be the same again. Had I told her why I needed those 4 weeks, my business would have been broadcasted all over the building and I would have to endure constant gossip. Somebody would have gotten hurt... Hi Sandy, thanks for posting, and you are right in reference to people speaking negative, and right now I am feeling too good about myself to hear negativity, I know once I start losing the weight my family is going to come at me full force but I have become a pro at ignoring ignorance, it's just sad that strangers can be more supportive than family. I have found more support on this forum than I have had in a long time, there is no judging here and I am so happy to be a part of it. I thought I was doing something wrong by not telling my family but I think by telling who I feel need to know I have saved my self from destruction and failure. |
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Post by lovy19 on Jan 12, 2012 22:14:13 GMT -5
I didn't have any problem telling my family because I knew I would have their full support. Sometimes I wish that I hadn't told a few others (a neighbor and a cousin) because of their inappropriate remarks and "advice". My sisters were wonderful help and it was so good to have someone patient enough to listen to my one track minded conversations. Sadly my older sister passed away before I got my surgery. I would have loved to share my happiness with her. My youngest sister drove me to and from the hospital and stayed with me for my surgery. And then there was my mom who told everyone she knew about my miracle surgery. She was thrilled that I got my health back. I had to ask her not to tell everyone we met about it. But at 92, I let her have her fun. LOL Everyone has a different experience. I would never discourage anyone from sharing their plans with those that they think might be supportive. Hi Gail you are so fortunate to have support from your family members, I think after I lose the weight and my family get over the initial shock and realize that I am actually healthy they will want answers but my thing is this, be there for me in the beginning without me having to fight for support or don't be there at all. My two sons, and boyfriend/ fiancé fully support me, my eldest son (24) and fiance actually read up on the DS to get a better understanding, they are just excited as I am which makes me so happy. |
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Post by Dudette on Jan 12, 2012 22:14:33 GMT -5
I told NO ONE until I had my surgery booked. Then I told my husband and my daughter, because they were traveling with me. My daughter drove to Mexico with me and my husband flew down and drove me back. They got less than 30 days notice. My bad.  However, it wasn't a huge shock to my husband because he had known for a while I wanted to do it. I told my two sons shortly thereafter. Only the people who lived in my house knew. Before that I was DYING to tell someone because I was really excited about it. Having the hubs and kids (college age) at home to talk to satisfied my need to run my mouth about it, which I did incessantly. I told my Dad the day before I left town for Mexico. Naturally, he freaked out. That only lasted about 5-10 minutes and then he calmed down and we talked it out and he agreed that I was doing the right thing. Finally, I told my Mom 4 days post-op, the day before I was released from the hospital. She thought I was down in Mexico just to get some dental work done. She was very supportive. Then again, she had no choice. Once the deed is done, what's there to argue about? Hehe. Once my Mom and Dad knew, there was no need to tell anyone else. I swore them both to secrecy and they eventually blabbed to the whole family anyway. Figures. |
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Post by lovy19 on Jan 12, 2012 22:26:37 GMT -5
I told NO ONE until I had my surgery booked. Then I told my husband and my daughter, because they were traveling with me. My daughter drove to Mexico with me and my husband flew down and drove me back. They got less than 30 days notice. My bad. However, it wasn't a huge shock to my husband because he had known for a while I wanted to do it. I told my two sons shortly thereafter. Only the people who lived in my house knew. Before that I was DYING to tell someone because I was really excited about it. Having the hubs and kids (college age) at home to talk to satisfied my need to run my mouth about it, which I did incessantly. I told my Dad the day before I left town for Mexico. Naturally, he freaked out. That only lasted about 5-10 minutes and then he calmed down and we talked it out and he agreed that I was doing the right thing. Finally, I told my Mom 4 days post-op, the day before I was released from the hospital. She thought I was down in Mexico just to get some dental work done. She was very supportive. Then again, she had no choice. Once the deed is done, what's there to argue about? Hehe. Once my Mom and Dad knew, there was no need to tell anyone else. I swore them both to secrecy and they eventually blabbed to the whole family anyway. Figures. lmao@ they got less than 30 day notice. I like that lol, that's how I planned my getaway, only the people i live with know, I can do without the added drama or scare tactics my sisters love to use lol. I know after my sister that had the RNY see how much weight I loss she will seek a revision, I tried speaking to her about it once before but it turned into a shouting match so I left it alone. I'm thinking about me for a change  . |
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Post by Dudette on Jan 12, 2012 22:45:46 GMT -5
lmao@ they got less than 30 day notice. I like that lol, that's how I planned my getaway, only the people i live with know, I can do without the added drama or scare tactics my sisters love to use lol. I know after my sister that had the RNY see how much weight I loss she will seek a revision, I tried speaking to her about it once before but it turned into a shouting match so I left it alone. I'm thinking about me for a change . Yeah, I loved the fact that word didn't start to spread until after I was already down in Mexico. The surgery was complete and I was recovering in the hospital when my cell phone started ringing. My sister called to sniff around to see if she could figure out what the hell I was doing down there. My brother called because my Dad had already blabbed to him... and my Mom was calling constantly to see how my dental work was going. Hehe. There was no drama beforehand, but the calls afterward kept me thoroughly entertained the entire time I was in the hospital. ;D |
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Post by susandawn on Jan 13, 2012 0:03:54 GMT -5
I have made the decision to only tell the "important people" in my life. It's not that I'm ashamed that I need a revision, but this is personal and i don't need anyones approval or negative thinking. Some of the important people are scared but none have been negative. I appreciate their honesty, but they know i research things to death, and im doing whats right for me and my family.
Goodluck to you on your journey!!
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Post by lovy19 on Jan 13, 2012 3:05:51 GMT -5
I have made the decision to only tell the "important people" in my life. It's not that I'm ashamed that I need a revision, but this is personal and i don't need anyones approval or negative thinking. Some of the important people are scared but none have been negative. I appreciate their honesty, but they know i research things to death, and im doing whats right for me and my family. Goodluck to you on your journey!! Hi Susan Ty for replying to this post, at first I was embarrassed that I needed yet another bariatric surgery because I felt that I failed myself and my surgery, but then I found sites like this and started to research and realized I was no longer alone. I just got approved for revision from Lapband to DS and before I invite negativity to steal my joy I will eliminate it, therefore; I chose to tell the people that I knew would support me on my journey to becoming healthy and living longer. |
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Post by frankie on Jan 13, 2012 10:41:31 GMT -5
I have made the decision to only tell the "important people" in my life. It's not that I'm ashamed that I need a revision, but this is personal and i don't need anyones approval or negative thinking. Some of the important people are scared but none have been negative. I appreciate their honesty, but they know i research things to death, and im doing whats right for me and my family. Goodluck to you on your journey!! Hi Susan Ty for replying to this post, at first I was embarrassed that I needed yet another bariatric surgery because I felt that I failed myself and my surgery, but then I found sites like this and started to research and realized I was no longer alone. I just got approved for revision from Lapband to DS and before I invite negativity to steal my joy I will eliminate it, therefore; I chose to tell the people that I knew would support me on my journey to becoming healthy and living longer. Lovy19, the only people who know about my revision, my mother, sister and surgeon. My BF didn't know I told him I was having surgery for female issues (LOL). I didn't tell my dad because he would've freaked out and I didn't tell the rest of my family cause they are all judgemental. Out of 13 kids my parents had I am the only one who suffered with Obesity. My siblings would say eat right and exercise and I tried that and it didn't work. Now that want to know what I am doing to lose weight and I give them the truth I am eating better and exercising  . |
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Post by Girlrocker on Jan 13, 2012 10:57:06 GMT -5
I have made the decision to only tell the "important people" in my life. It's not that I'm ashamed that I need a revision, but this is personal and i don't need anyones approval or negative thinking. Some of the important people are scared but none have been negative. I appreciate their honesty, but they know i research things to death, and im doing whats right for me and my family. Goodluck to you on your journey!! That's pretty much, word for word, what I would say :-) Both my parents are gone, and I was estranged from my dad; I have one sister, she knows all and is 100% supportive, as are my chosen family of friends, certain cousins. I'm selective out of privacy, not because I have something to hide. Only one friend at work knows I just had a revision - everyone else thinks its GI issues surgery. Which really isn't such a stretch ;-) |
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Post by dkramer on Jan 13, 2012 14:02:00 GMT -5
I only have my dad and my sister and we are all very close (plus my dad loaned me the $$) so they both know and were very supportive.
I told two friends and that's it. I know that some others know because I live in a small town and they've heard "through the grapevine" or they assume I've had a gastric bypass.
I haven't told any of my clients and I probably never will and I haven't told my in-laws and probably never will.
I had too much input from others when I had my lapband and I don't want a repeat of that.
Dawn
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Post by bldeck on Jan 13, 2012 14:29:43 GMT -5
I so thought this was going to be about bras!!!
I told everyone, but then again I don't care if people know my business. I also made sure that when people started speaking to me about WLS that unless they had facts they couldn't even begin to say anything. I am the kind of person where you better be able to back up what you say or I will tell you that I don't need to here false rumors or half lies. Most people got the picture, others I refered to DS Facts and then told them to come talk to me.
My husband of course supported me all the way and went with me, everyone else either got on the bus or was left behind.
Betty
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Post by lovy19 on Jan 13, 2012 15:33:59 GMT -5
I so thought this was going to be about bras!!! I told everyone, but then again I don't care if people know my business. I also made sure that when people started speaking to me about WLS that unless they had facts they couldn't even begin to say anything. I am the kind of person where you better be able to back up what you say or I will tell you that I don't need to here false rumors or half lies. Most people got the picture, others I refered to DS Facts and then told them to come talk to me. My husband of course supported me all the way and went with me, everyone else either got on the bus or was left behind. Betty Sorry Betty to confuse you with the title of the post. I feel the way you do inn reference to false rumors or half lies, that is another reason why I chose to tell who I thought should know. |
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Post by lovy19 on Jan 13, 2012 15:36:44 GMT -5
I only have my dad and my sister and we are all very close (plus my dad loaned me the $$) so they both know and were very supportive. I told two friends and that's it. I know that some others know because I live in a small town and they've heard "through the grapevine" or they assume I've had a gastric bypass. I haven't told any of my clients and I probably never will and I haven't told my in-laws and probably never will. I had too much input from others when I had my lapband and I don't want a repeat of that. Dawn Hi Dawn, my Lapband experience with family and friends was ridiculous, they scared me so bad that by the time I was to have surgery my nerves were wrecked they had nothing but negative things to say, that's why this time things will be different I will feel good about the decision I have made without having to hear negativity to bring me down. |
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Post by Joanne on Jan 13, 2012 18:00:58 GMT -5
I didn't want to give people the opportunity to give me bad advice or to try to talk me out of it. I only told my husband and son initially. The week of surgery I told the rest of my family and no one else.
I didn't try to hide it, I talked about it with people at work once I returned from medical leave - but I didn't want the subject to be open to discussion ahead of time. In retrospect, some support would have been nice, but I dont have that type of family.
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Post by lovy19 on Jan 13, 2012 19:46:02 GMT -5
I didn't want to give people the opportunity to give me bad advice or to try to talk me out of it. I only told my husband and son initially. The week of surgery I told the rest of my family and no one else. I didn't try to hide it, I talked about it with people at work once I returned from medical leave - but I didn't want the subject to be open to discussion ahead of time. In retrospect, some support would have been nice, but I dont have that type of family. Hi Joanne you and I are in the same boat as far as family support goes, that's why I am thankful that my two children and boyfriend support my decision, also this board, I am so happy that there are people here that I can actually talk to without being judged. |
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