I've ruined my life.

[dawn4511]

I've realized my life is over and this is my new reality. They can't fix me because they can't even agree what's wrong. I will live the rest of my life in pain.
I've ruined my life by trying to make it better.

I use to be able to walk and talk now I can't. I woke this morning frightening to breathe. Every breath feels like a kick in the ribs and a knife to the shoulder.

[Leonie]

Oh, dear friend.
Take courage.
The fact that you can write here is already a sign that you are on the road to recovery.

I am so sorry that you are the one to draw the short straw. It is extra hard to take because we chose to have surgery, but remember, we did this in an attempt to save our lives.

It WILL get better.
Bit I hear you and am praying for you right this minute.

[Girlrocker]

Dawn, words cannot express how much my heart goes out to you. I believe you can be treated, but not by the doctors where you are ,which I know is hugely frightening and overwhelming for you. I encourage you to reach out to Dr. Keshishian or Dr. Rabkin, here in California. They are vetted specialists in RNY to DS revisions; and Dr. K particularly takes on complex cases. I have no idea if its feasible for you financially, besides the recovery you need to go through right now. I don't think your surgeon should have done the make-shift surgery on you he did. If he opened you up and felt he couldn't do the sleeve from your RNY, he clearly wasn't capable of managing your specific health issues and physiology and he should have just closed you up, before he even undid the RNY. You can address that legally later if it comes to that. Leaks will and do heal. You have a much longer road ahead of you but you will get past this. I understand completely why you feel so defeated, and please know it's understandable and you are entitled to feel this way. But now you have to also figure out a new course of action to get your health where it belongs and you deserve. You need your operative report, all films, test results to have on hand so you can send them for a second opinion. Please stay with us so we can support you.

[bboop]

Oh Dawn I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. This isn't your new reality. You know deep down it isn't.

First listen to girl rocker. Get all your records together and be ready to sue the shit out of those nut jobs that screwed you up. You can do that after you get yourself fixed. Now where do you live? I know Dr. K is the fix it guy but maybe there's somebody else closer to you that you can go and see.

Now if the pain gets too bad, go back to the ER. As I recall back and rib pain is usually from the air they use when you have the procedure done lap. Now I doubt that this is the case with you. I bet it's just muscles trying to relax and get back into place.

I know you are tired, angry and feel like a whipped dog. I do understand, I really do. I promise you won't be like this for the rest of your life. It will get better in time. But first we have to be about seeing that you get yourself repaired and have it done properly. At this very moment, try to relax. I say that because tensing up only makes the pain worse.

Do you have any pain medication you can take? If so take it. Try to rest some and when you wake up think about the plan to get this taken care of. Ok?

We will be here for you almost day and night. That I can promise. We will be as much help as is humanly possible to you via the net. How's your support system? Family, friends are their people who can be of assistance to you? Call on them, people love to help, yes, they really do.

For now, just rest as much as you can. Here's a big old cyber hug.

[dawn4511]

With the stricture. 3 leaks collapsed lung we had just stated talking about me going home. I'm 2 hrs away from home so I've had visitors twice this week. So now yesterday my g feeding tube won't work. They tried unblocking with enzymes and coke with no success. Now wtf is going to happen? Also the Dr yesterday change my pains from 2mg to .5mg. How can she do that now the pain I only get maybe half hour of relief and can't get out of bed.

I'm in Canada and you just can't sue Dr's. Trust me I had one grab my bladder with forceps instead of the baby's head and the law yer said it wasn't a strong case cause that just doesn't happen in Canada.

[bboop]

Ok, no suing for now. The first thing is to get to feeling human again. First request that the doc return your pain meds to 5 mg. Do that first.
Then see how you feel. See that they get the drain issue resolved and they need to do that pronto. Those are two things you can do now for yourself...ASK them to help you. Then DEMAND that they do it. Yell at them if you have to.

Take each step one at a time and do it the best that you can.

[Joanne]

Oh Dawn, I'm so sorry. I know nothing about how healthcare works in Canada. I can think of a few ideas, and not sure if any will work.

-Do you have to stick with your DS surgeon? If your primary problems right now are leaks, collapsed lung, etc. can another, top notch abdominal surgeon be consulted there?

-Does the healthcare system allow you to go out of network / country for complex things they aren't able to handle? I cant imagine them leaving you the way you are.

-Is Dr Gagner in Montreal a possibility?

Again, dont know if any of these ideas will work, or help. Just trying to help you figure this out. I know it feels horrible right now, mentally and physically. I think first we need to concentrate on your healing, then the surgery configuration can be considered. And I say "we" not you, because please know we are here for you.

[dawn4511]

Thank you all just knowing someone cares has helped so much.
I can't get my meds adjusted till tomorrow when the Dr comes in.

It makes it so frustrating that nothing seems to get when it's suppose to. I was suppose to go for xray today to see if the tube is twisted and nobody showed up to take me. It's another day of waiting and wondering.

Thank you all. I think your right tomorrow I just have to start screaming so I can go home on Monday.

[goodkel]

You poor darling. It will not always be like this.

If you are in pain, do not moan quietly. Groan, moan, and screech loud enough to disturb the other patients. They ALWAYS have doctors in the hospital, even in the middle of the night. To shut you up, the nurses will get a hold of him and he can give the authorization for more meds. YOU DO NOT, SHOULD NOT HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW. The amount of pain you are in is unacceptable.

You are not there to make friends. You are there to get care. Be a loud, annoying pest when they aren't giving that to you. Be sweet, charming, and polite AFTER they have done their jobs. If they drop the ball on anything, like they did today with your x-ray, call or page them every 10-15 minutes to ask about it. Don't allow them to forget about you.

Make sure you have copies of your surgical report and all scans. Always keep one for yourself and I would send copies to Dr. Keshishian to ask him what he would do. I would beg, borrow, or steal to get down there to him, but if that is impossible, at least you have a better idea of what should be done.

Joanne had a great idea. Your intestines seem fine. You really don't need a DS surgeon to fix your stomach issues.

Hoping you have a pain free night. If not, make sure that no one else does, either.

[meq815]

I'm sorry, Dawn. No words can help right now, except that we are all here for you, no matter how far away. Please keep us posted and keep venting.

[OnMyWay2Thin]

Dear Dawn,

Just letting you know I'm thinking of you and praying you feel better, very soon.

Kelly

[challie]

Hi Dawn,

So sorry to hear about your difficulties. I think it may be worthwhile contacting Dr. Gagner. He is very experienced and not that far away. He did my DS in Montreal and he responds to my emails when I want to consult on something.

Best of luck to you. I hope everything is resolved quickly.

Challie

[Girlrocker]

I think this sounds like a good plan, calling Dr. Gagner. For some dumb reason I thought you were in Portland, Oregon! Which is why I mentione California surgeons. My apologies on that. Let us know how you are, and in the meantime do what you can to stay hydrated, manage your pain and rest.

[newyorkbitch]

I agree - contact Gagner. I don't like him personally, but he's a very good surgeon and there's nobody more experienced with the DS than he is.

[mlleelise]

Hi Dawn,
I am so sorry that you're having to go through this ordeal and are pretty much alone since the hospital isn't near your home. It must be so scary and overwhelming! Every one here DOES care - and, as someone already mentioned, there's almost ALWAYS someone here on the forum...day or night. Please don't go through this alone. There are so many knowledgeable people here on the forum that will give you great advice - they sure have helped me along the way.
Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you - and hoping you have a less painful night.