dealing with stress

[countof3]

So how do you all handle stress now that you can't stuff your face? I'm under tons of stress again, home, work, kids, etc.

I'm active now but not an exercise buff. I'm finding that I get to feeling like I need to be doing something. Keep moving, busy, etc. And talking to friends. But with that comes the hard part. I have to still feel the emotions and that's hard. Processing feelings is not fun to me.

I have had a terrible weekend. I'm sad for two loved ones who are both experiencing different emotional problems, and I've had to make difficult decisions that are not pleasant.

Just curious how you all deal with it now.

[lynn22]

Well, I've found the best way for me is to mop the kitchen floor--at least it's something constructive. Stress makes me feel like jumping out of my skin.

Family stuff is even worse.

Good luck.

[countof3]

Jumping out of my skin is a perfect description

[lynn22]

lol~~also sometimes feel as if I've got my foot nailed to the floor and kicking off with the other one so I'm going in rapid circles!

Have you tried working out at the gym? That might help to burn off some of the adrenalin, too.

Good luck!

[nandmsmom]

Exercise and keeping busy work the best for me. If I sit around, I still want to eat.

[Deleted]

aha! that's really the question, isn't it?

my favorite easy tip is have a protein snack at mid afternoon so I come home NOT hungry and able to do something else to transition from work to home. for the transition I drink herbal tea, or hot chocolate, or do stretches or play with my dogs or take a walk. this helps ME. if I don't do something else BEFORE eating or turning on the computer I don't do as well.

long term, though, the easy stuff doesn't cut it, you have to work on the big ass stuff. you know, LIFE.

communication with others, assertiveness, relationships (with yourself, with money!) being MINDFUL.

and so on!

[Brandilynn]

I had to learn that sometimes not trying to fight it, and just kind of lean into it helped it to pass quicker. I used to think I could just exercise it away, but in the middle of a "discussion" with someone, well - its inappropriate to break into squats or pushups :}

Crying in the shower helps, reminding myself consistently that some days just suck ass, but not all days, and it will not last.

Sometimes distracting myself or trying to fight it just creates more uptight in my system. Sorry girlie.

Also, processing unpleasant emotions is not pleasant for ANY of us, but the feelings are not the things killing us typically - its been our self soothing measures.

[countof3]

Well I'm not much of a crier at all, but walking, etc does help. I've already done a TON of work on the "big ass stuff" LOL. I have rock solid boundaries, but I have a son with severe mental illness. He's 13, he's getting bigger, he's challenging his meds, he's got 140 IQ and is failing 8th grade. We are discussing send him to a family member because he manipulates the family, disrupts his brothers and this weekend ended up with police after destroying property, running off and attacking me.

This is BIG A*S*S* stuff. It's my life, my child, I adore him love him and he didn't ask to have this.

So having to face either losing your child to the state, or sending him off because my boundaries are firm and he CANNOT continue to hurt his family - that's stuff that hurts really, super bad to the core. And so far I'm not turning to eating and I haven't learned how to cry yet but I do process feelings by talking, talking, talking and more talking.

And I know whatever decision we make will be the right one.

So things were glowing and fun post op for months, but reality is back and I have to face it. I like the tea idea, tea calms me a lot and I love the stuff. I'm going to do that. I'll go back to walks after my knee heals (my son injured me pretty bad this weekend, hence the police - and he did not know what he was doing at the time, he was two days of no meds and freaked out).

So for me life is hard often. It's nothing I can fix it's only something I learn to manage. And I refuse to let the state take my son so I will do anything else but go there. For now he has zero fun in his life unless he decides to make good choices, and if he doesn't he's going to his great aunt's house to finish the school year. His brothers dont' deserve and entire weekend of mom barracading a crazed child in a room, asking my 15 year old to fix meals for his 8 year old brother, getting hurt, breaking things and having the police show up and handcuff their brother.

And my son doesn't deserve to have this and I'm torn and it hurts. It just hurts. And it will be something we try to get him to face forever. He isn't going to be one of these kids who "outgrow" something. No meds means a life of jail or homelessness since there aren't mental institutions anymore. At least not in CA.

There's more, got another dear close friend (we were dating) who has severe PTSD from 24 years in service and it has absolutely destroyed him and he needs treatment and watching what he has to live with has caused me to back out of the relationship but remain friends at a distance. And I hate to see people suffer. So another hurt to see that, and to have to back out of a relationship that I was really happy in. But with my kids, I can't take on more.

Ok I rambled way too long but yeah, the big stuff is where I am.

[Brandilynn]

My step brother is special needs fella. Sherry and daddy kept him at home for probably longer than was safe for any of them, because Sherry felt so bad about sending Beau to a group home, she felt like she as abandoning him.

Beau lives beautifully in the group home and has for 20 years now. He is 45 now and Sherry sees now how destructive it was for them, their relationship, and my typical step-sister while it was all happening.

HUGE props to you for knowing what you can and cannot handle, and I have no doubt that the decision you make will be right. I am glad that you have folks to do your verbal processing with.

Neither of you asked for this, it is what it is.

I am lifting you up and hoping that somehow you can find a place where there is an ounce of peace for your weary heart and your crawly skin! :{

*squeeze*

[MontanaGirl]

i stress a lot and i know how you feel. at the age of 24 i was sprouting gray hair! i find the best thing for stress is to give yourself a space of time (selfishly) to pamper yourself or do a hobby. sometimes when i am out of my skin i will sit down an give myself a great pedicure! clipping, scrubbing, soaking and polish. (let me tell ya my toes look GREAT) lol when i don't feel like pampering, i do a hobby i really enjoy. in the summer i do a lot of outdoor stuff but in the winter i am cooped in and i actually picked up gaming. it keeps me engaged and my hands busy. my parents got me a wii and gosh is that fun!
if you don't have any hobbies, try new ones and see what you enjoy:) i hope your stress is manageable for ya:(

[Avonlea]

I have found that blocking off time in the evening for a warm bath, with lovely bath oils (splurge on the expensive nice stuff) really helps with stress. There is something about immersing myself in warm water that seems to really help things. Also, if I block it off as a scheduled item, I can kind of look forward to it all day and that helps me avoid stress eating.

Good luck to you. That is a lot of really big stuff to handle.

[Deleted]

count of 3

yes, you do have the big ass stuff going on - big hugs and vent all you need to. life is hard, eating doesn't have to be. I stole that from somewhere.

BL - I hear you. acceptance! it's a biggie.

feelings, no matter how "unbearable", are like a wave that crests and passes.

stole that, too.

[Deleted]

crying - I have difficulty doing that over my life - even when I feel really really sad. Emotional constipation?

so I read something sad and cry over that. it feels good so not sure if this is cheating.

my favorite thing to re-read is where Beth in Little Women is sick. not the part where she dies but earlier where they think she is going to die and she lives. always gets me.

[mizdel]

You really do have a lot to stress over. I wish you and your family well, and hope that in time, things drastically improve for you.

I really missed food when I first got my surgery because I could no longer stuff myself into zombie land. I still tend to push things aside and not think about them until they rear their ugly head again and then I have to do something.

When you can no longer stuff yourself, then you have to act to solve your problems. Take little steps in the right direction even if it is only one thing a day. Make a list of all of the things you need to do to better your situation and get them behind you one by one.

I can't imagine how hard it must be to have the decisions to make that you are facing. But for self preservation and the good of all of your family members you have to let go of your fear. You will see in the end that it was the right thing to do.

I gave you some karma....

[Deleted]

Feb 29, 2012 9:43:22 GMT -5 mizdel said:

You really do have a lot to stress over. I wish you and your family well, and hope that in time, things drastically improve for you.

I really missed food when I first got my surgery because I could no longer stuff myself into zombie land. I still tend to push things aside and not think about them until they rear their ugly head again and then I have to do something.

When you can no longer stuff yourself, then you have to act to solve your problems. Take little steps in the right direction even if it is only one thing a day. Make a list of all of the things you need to do to better your situation and get them behind you one by one.

I can't imagine how hard it must be to have the decisions to make that you are facing. But for self preservation and the good of all of your family members you have to let go of your fear. You will see in the end that it was the right thing to do.

I gave you some karma....

Phyllis I am so glad you are here. we have a ton in common, I think.

[MEZ]

I try to get busy when I get stressed. Whether it's walking, or cleaning, or something else that needs to be done around the house... or if all else fails, I soak in a bathtub!

[Deleted]

I find myself sitting with my feelings now more than before. I like distraction, but I find it tends to only postpone the inevitable of having to just deal with it- "it" being sometimes some pretty shitty thoughts/feelings. So, I think it out, plan for as much as I can.. and try hard to let go of things I have no control over. I vent to my husband about some of it, but mostly ruminate on it myself until I can let it go, or put something in motion to help it if it's that kind of issue.

Today, in frustration, instead of turning to streaming reruns of TV shows and sitting on my butt (distraction), I got out and hiked for a couple hours.. the sun was shining, my mood eventually lifted and I realized I can't fix other people's issues no matter how much I want to.. that was my stressor today, the problems of a friend. Something I have no control over. My mood was bad, and I had control over that.. so I did what I could to work through it in a way that didn't make anything worse for myself.

You have a lot on your plate, but you sound like you are taking the steps in a logical way to make things better where you can, and prevent damage where possible.. just keep extending that "prevent damages" to yourself, and it will help you make the right call when you are dealing with all this.

[countof3]

Such great ideas, advice and information from everyone. I'm definitely a "doer" already working on a plan for my son. I find though that allowing the feelings makes it easier to move on once you learn to do it. I'm feeling pretty good today despite being told my work load at work just tripled LOL.

I'll get through it and in the end, feeling pain for a day or two is way better than stuffing it for months and years