Have you ever noticed...

[stacee]

Have you ever noticed that after you lose weight more people talk to you than when you were fat? Today I had so many conversations with strangers, my daughter noticed first. At the grocery store, in the elevator at the hospital, at the gas pump, washing my hands in the bathroom at the hospital.. To the point where I was noticing.. I kept thinking " a year ago would any of these people have bothered?" ... Guess I am a little outta my comfort zone..

[abright0]

It is the prejudice we all face (or faced) for being fat. Some people (I use that term generously) refuse to think of fat people as being real and having feelings. They still see us as sideshow freaks or lazy, glutenous, pigs. I find it sad that people see you now, and they didn't before.

[smokinstella]

Its a very sad but real fact that most people don't have the time of day for someone with weight issues. The thing that also gets me is the fact you have people who are overweight who will think that are better then you cause they are not as heavy as you and they treat you the same as the skinny people who have ignored ya. Sad that fat discrimination is still widely accepted.

[MsVee]

Fat is the last acceptable prejudice because people without weight issues believe if we "fat people" just ate loss, exercised, or had some "willpower" we would not be fat. That makes it acceptable to mock the obese because after all It is our own fault. so many people believe weight is some sort of character flaw and not the medical problem it truly is. Therefore they can mock the fat with impunity. Fat people as a group are not at all sympathetic to the society at large so there is very little negative fall out for this behavior. Once you lose weight for many people you become somewhat acceptable and you stop being invisible.

MsVee

[jillybean720]

I don't think it's always just prejudice to blame. I think a big part of it is simply that we gain confidence as we lose weight and carry ourselves differently. We likely don't notice it ourselves since it's a gradual change, but many of us end up standing taller, smiling more, taking better care of ourselves, etc. I'm not saying there is NO prejudice out there - there will always be assholes around - but I don't think it's the sole or, for many of us, even the primary cause of increased attention with weight loss. I personally haven't noticed much difference at all - even when I was morbidly obese, I carried myself tall and made eye contact and whatnot, and strangers held doors for me, talked to me while shopping, etc. People treat you differently based on how you feel about yourself and present yourself to the world.

[dlappin413]

I agree with jillybean... they way we carry ourselves makes a HUGE difference in how people see us. I also agree that there is fat prejudice out there. I cannot agree that being fat is solely a medical problem. Those of us who are fat have a predisposition to weight gain but, I also believe that we have an issue with food. I am a food addict. If I wasn't addicted to food, I'd be addicted to something else... drugs, sex, alcohol, spending... and the list goes one. If you haven't already noticed, many people who've had WLS end up with cross-addiction issues. This issue is one we all need to be very aware of so that we don't follow that path. I admit that I'm a food addict and am powerless over it... that awareness is 99% of dealing with the problem. I don't want to change seats on the Titanic.

[Deleted]

Well, I could and did talk to just about anyone when I was fat . But yes, there is a big difference in how people act now. Undoubtedly some of it is bias related, but some of it is about how we see and carry ourselves, too. It's some kind of combination, with the percentages of the components varying from one person to another, IMO.

[Deleted]

Jan 9, 2012 11:56:27 GMT -5 dlappin413 said:

I agree with jillybean... they way we carry ourselves makes a HUGE difference in how people see us. I also agree that there is fat prejudice out there. I cannot agree that being fat is solely a medical problem. Those of us who are fat have a predisposition to weight gain but, I also believe that we have an issue with food. I am a food addict. If I wasn't addicted to food, I'd be addicted to something else... drugs, sex, alcohol, spending... and the list goes one. If you haven't already noticed, many people who've had WLS end up with cross-addiction issues. This issue is one we all need to be very aware of so that we don't follow that path. I admit that I'm a food addict and am powerless over it... that awareness is 99% of dealing with the problem. I don't want to change seats on the Titanic.

I am not a food addict and have never been. My metabolism is so efficient that I gained a small amount of weight on an 800 calorie a day diet. I am an expert dieter and had been doing it for 40 years, otherwise I believe I would have weighed over 500# at the time of my surgery instead of 279#. There are a lot of us out there and we did not need to "get right with food", "food needed to get right with us!"

That being said, I am sorry for your addiction problems and food addiction must be the hardest addiction to fight as you cannot live without food.

[kingy]

I'm so glad you mentioned this I was just saying this to my partner yesterday! I'm only 9 wks out (down 20 kgs) and still a long way to go but random people on the street and in the supermarket are just coming up to me and chatting. It's starting to really freak me out. I KNOW I'm not acting differently because I still feel like a ginormous heffalump, yet onward they push to talk to me about the weather, the different types of watermelon they've seen in their travels and anything else that springs to mind. Totally bizarre!

[happycatbert]

It is quite bizarre. My biggest struggle was dealing with men. I've always been pretty outgoing (those that have met me IRL might say chatty, even LOL) and I deal with people the same way now as I did before. Problem is, once I lost the weight, men always think I'm hitting on them. Sigh.

Sharon

[Dudette]

Jan 9, 2012 7:56:09 GMT -5 jillybean720 said:

I personally haven't noticed much difference at all - even when I was morbidly obese, I carried myself tall and made eye contact and whatnot, and strangers held doors for me, talked to me while shopping, etc. People treat you differently based on how you feel about yourself and present yourself to the world.

Ditto. Exalted.

[Girlrocker]

I am also very outgoing, very social, and my work is very interactive as it's based in entertainment. That said, I still did indeed notice being paid attention to more as I lost weight. I remember the first time a male stranger offered to carry my suitcase up the stairs to the El train (in Chicago), more random small talk in public places, no more fear in their eyes when I came down the aisle of the train or airplane. I remember thinking as an obese person, I could never decide which was worse, being made fun of or being invisible, both were painful.

[justelizabeth]

I was in a weird situation when I lost all my weight. I was living in Kuwait at the time. Over there, when I was huge, the Kuwaiti men kept coming around and the American men on base, while nice, really didn't notice me. As I started to get smaller that reversed. I was much more visible on base then off base. very strange.

[stacee]

Jan 9, 2012 15:51:56 GMT -5 happycatbert said:

It is quite bizarre. My biggest struggle was dealing with men. I've always been pretty outgoing (those that have met me IRL might say chatty, even LOL) and I deal with people the same way now as I did before. Problem is, once I lost the weight, men always think I'm hitting on them. Sigh.

Sharon

Here is another problem I am having, I have alway been kinda chatty and a lil'flirty. Now I find myself rethinking my humor. I talk to people all day long, but didn't realize how I come across now is different than how I came across when I was bigger. I introduced my hubby to a guy at the hospital that helps with my moms care and I talk to everyday, and he was really quiet, the next day he tells me he had NO IDEA I was married... um I wear a wedding band... So I know what you mean...

[stacee]

Glad I am not the only one who notices this...

[Deleted]

Um, no. I live in one of the fattest states in the union; everybody talks to everybody. However, I am willing to bet I may have lived in the state of Denial forever, because I don't have much to say about being treated badly as a fat person. Yeah there were some things that may have been "mean" due to my weight, but I seem to think that those instances were very rare. No one can pile shit on me if I refuse to let them, eh?

I recall more insults when I was thin and in the USAF. Who knows what lurks in the hearts and minds of idiots?

[Happy DSr]

with weight loss comes more confidence. I smile a lot more and engage people in conversation more easily. I compliment service staff - it make me feel good while making them feel good too. The "feel-good" just swells!

so yes, more people are talking to me, mainly because I am talking to them, or open to the conversation

and ditto on the "flirting" concern. When I was large, people (and me too) saw me as asexual, not a player, not a threat, not an opportunity. I was the neutral "friend" to joke with. Now at goal weight and looking pretty good (all tucked into my spanx) I will get "the look" when the conversation moves towards this kind of area, then I realize and back off

[Leonie]

I have always been the fat, friendly girl. Yet I felt terribly sad and incompetent in most social situations. In my late twenties a friend introduced me to clowning. She dressed me in an outrageous suit and sent me to the mall to buy bread with lollipops. It was the most amazing experience!! People smiled at me, men flirted! I engaged anyone and everyone. Behind the red nose and clown white I felt more ME than ever before.

I enjoyed it so much that I became a professional clown for a few years. I often long back to those days. Now I feel too old and fat to even put on a clown suit. Maybe it is one of the things that will be restored with the DS

[bb212]

I never had that problem, actually people spoke to me more when I was fat. Now I'm happy to be left alone- ahhhh, sweet piece and quiet!

[bldeck]

I am so happy I have always projected the I don't want to talk to you attitude. Now, if I could just get old people to pay attention to it.

Betty

[Deleted]

My obesity was professional suicide. Now my interaction with peers is completely different. Somehow the weight loss has made me more "credible" (whatever).

I've moved away recently, so living in a place where people don't have a clue about my former life has been a real eye-opener. Completely different interactions! The few who do know always ask the same question, though -- "How did you LET yourself go like that?"

GRRRRR!

[joanlaptods]

when I lost weight with the lapband I got complements and respect from colleagues then has i regained they became quiet and I felt invisable now that i am losing again 94lbs I am not getting the complements like i did the first time i wondered if they are waiting/ thinking i will gain it back. Can't wait to maintain for years and show em.

[lisalou79]

This is a really good topic. Having lost a large amount of weight once in my early 20s, I ran into the whole "people treating me like a normal person." It's funny, I started noticing the attention and thought similar thoughts, "I must be having a great hair day!"

I don't know what's wrong with people or why they sometimes treat bigger people like they are contagious or something. I've now been on both sides of the fence and am unfortunately currently on the fluffy side.

I've noticed people won't sit next to me in my college classes unless they are personal friends of mine. Will this continue when I am at a normal weight? Probably not. I should start barking at people and confirm that the fat lady must be avoided.

Enjoy the new attention and consider that people are starting to see the real you in all your awesomeness.

[justelizabeth]

I was in a weird time the 3-4 years before my surgery. I was living in Kuwait and working on a U.S. military base. Pre-op: Off base I was getting all sorts of attention from Kuwaiti men. On base: I was getting attention from men because I was female and not in a uniform but it was sort of "just because" attention. Post-op: Off base I started getting just sort of polite "Are you buying something?" attention and on base it became much more men really paying attention.

[muffinsmom]

I felt "invisible" as a fat woman, and still do as a normal-sized person. However, I think it's because I'm 61; older people, especially women, become invisible in society. It's fine, it lets me go about my business under the radar, so to speak. (When I THINK about the things I could get away with.....) :-)

[Ladytaz]

Jan 29, 2012 19:36:13 GMT -5 muffinsmom said:

I felt "invisible" as a fat woman, and still do as a normal-sized person. However, I think it's because I'm 61; older people, especially women, become invisible in society. It's fine, it lets me go about my business under the radar, so to speak. (When I THINK about the things I could get away with.....) :-)

I have found the same thing. I am treated much differently as an older woman, not a lot different then when I was an obese, older woman.

[smscott7]

I do notice this as well. Some of it may be that I am more confident, but most of it (I believe) is that people are more interested in a thin me than in a fat me. There have been many studies showing that most people like "prettier" people better. Discrimination? Yes, but I believe true in many cases.

[Deleted]

Jan 29, 2012 20:08:46 GMT -5 smscott7 said:

I do notice this as well. Some of it may be that I am more confident, but most of it (I believe) is that people are more interested in a thin me than in a fat me. There have been many studies showing that most people like "prettier" people better. Discrimination? Yes, but I believe true in many cases.

You are probably right. There is another study linked to the color of people's eyes and if I remember right, blue was the favored color.

I just don't pay much attention. I don't particularly care if I am noticed or unnoticed except by people that I know and care about. I did notice that in the workplace I was viewed as smarter, etc when I became a 'thin' person by a few people. I just chalked it up to them being kinda stupid..

[RedSkittles]

I carry myself much differently now and choose to believe that is the reason I have more conversations with strangers these days. Previously, I didn't WANT anyone to talk to me, and now I do. And they do.

[honeybadger11]

I agree with the confidence of a person. Ive never lacked for self confidence and people talk to me ALL the time. It so bad that hubs make fun of me about it. No matter where we are or what we are doing someone always has something to say to me or ask me about or just make conversation in general.

But yes, there are definitely discriminating people out there.