An odd turn of events in the social scene

[songbird177]

So I started a new job as many of you know. And here I am below goal weight, thinking it will be easier to socialize with coworkers now that I've lost the weight. Turns out I was wrong. I am actually being judged by my size STILL! Instead of the big person I'm now the skinny person. Who would've thought! At first I thought it a compliment but then I heard the talking. I guess I do laugh when people make jokes about weight because I can relate but I probably just look like someone being rude. I also didn't get offered a second cupcake because I guess I look like a person that turns them down lol. I find this all entertaining though, so I don't mean for if to sound like a rant. Just saying who knew I'd be known as skinny and judged for it, ha! Anyone else have experiences like this?

I've shared my journey with one person at work and they said they can't believe it's me . Lots react this way but I always feel taken back because I feel that is me. I've always been a big person and guess related to that and now that person is gone.

[nursemelanie]

Very interesting. I think I will better handle being the "skinny bitch" than the alternative. Goes to show you never really know a person, so be careful not to judge.

[bboop]

I should say something nice..but all I can think of is "fuck 'em" - it's your new body and they are jealous...regardless of their size. Trust me I've been there. Just smile and keep on trucking'...it's their problem not yours.

[OnMyWay2Thin]

That is so interesting... Confidentially, I wouldn't mind being in that position one bit! LOL

[bila]

Nurse Melanie, I hope everyone knows just how right on point you are!

[Girlrocker]

Nov 25, 2014 22:07:24 GMT -5 nursemelanie said:

Very interesting. I think I will better handle being the "skinny bitch" than the alternative. Goes to show you never really know a person, so be careful not to judge.

Exactly, right?!

Songbird, it IS, SO weird! Basically, I still feel like the same person too, I know/get my exterior is much different...but inside I remember my 315 lb obese girl very much. As morbidly obese people. we've seen the world for so long through one lense - the fat - that it's so eye opening to realize what else is out there. How ignorant people can be, mean when they are envious, some mean well but don't use the right words...it's a whole new set of social skills to learn. I knew who I was when I was big, I had it down; how to present myself to help avoid name calling, to blend in as much as possible, be taken seriously as a big person and not the jolly fat person, and so on. This is part of a whole process of getting to know ourselves, if you ask me, and why it's not 'one note/one step' to lose the weight and automatically live happily ever after we are thrilled, we are grateful...but boy is there a LOT to experience and learn!

[west4thavenue]

Ah, isn't this just the weirdest stuff ever? A girlfriend (I hope) dropped a small bomb the other day:

"If you get any skinnier, I'll have to stop hanging out with you."

Oy.  At my age (and hers), I would have thought we would be over this absurd competition thing. I just let the comment go. If she really feels that way, it will become increasingly evident, and I will do what we all have to do -- roll with the punches. 

Over the years, I have lost literally hundreds of pounds many times over. People do respond differently.  Sometimes it is nice and sometimes it stings like the devil.  Some people are threatened by a happier, healthier you.  In the end, we are all individuals making the best decision for ourselves.  Sometimes we do HAVE to discount the impact our self improvement may have on other people.  Weak relationships will shake loose like leaves from a tree in autumn.  We just have to accept that, even though it is be painful for everyone involved.  Other relationships may falter somewhat, but will bear through the transition with time and work. 

A lady I know recently opted to have the VSG and asked me what was the most important thing I could tell her about weight loss surgery.  I answered in two words:  EVERYTHING changes.

I wish you well.

[rargirl]

I totally identify with this.

I had a similar odd experience recently. I attend graduate school and was sitting in a group with six other adult professional students working on a project.

A student made a light hearted comment about one of her coworkers always having her huge behind in her way at work. I mentioned my huge behind used to always be everyone's way. In everyone's way, in fact, I was constantly worrying about how to keep it as compact as possible, out of others' airline seats and was always worried about if I could sit in chairs with arms like the one I was sitting in at that table.

I was met by a table full of confused looks. I realized my classmates had known me for only about 1 year and I had never known me when I was overweight. Someone at the table said "what do you mean? You are so 'tiny'?" To which I replied "I used to be super morbidly obese and weigh 375 lbs". This changed their expressions to a range of further confusion, shock and horror. One person said "I don't believe you", another said "really?!" A beautiful girl with a nice curvy average body said "how did you do it? I starve myself and I can never lose any weight!?" Another person said "I need to see a picture. I need evidence" (ok inappropriate but I whipped out Facebook and showed them a photo of myself at my Undergraduate graduation at the same university 4 years prior when I was at my heaviest).

My classmates handed the phone around and looked at the photo in awe. One person said "there is no way you were 375 lbs!" (This is after looking at the photo). I said "oh yes I definitely was." Another person said "wow you look so great!" (I hate this compliment the most of any because I happen to think heavy people often look "great" and I always felt I was pretty hot and sexy even in the 300s). Another person said "that doesn't even look like you!" (I hate this comment as well. The photo was obviously me. I even have the exact same hairstyle. Aside from losing the double chin and 4x behind and aging 4 years, I look identical. My "before" license never even got a second glance besides to say "nice picture". )

Several others looked around nervously obviously uncomfortable and the subject was quickly changed. Abstractly I was thankful to have had the experience of being extremely heavy, so I can avoid making similar ignorant comments toward others.

At the end of the term, a moderately plus size gal offered me bread at the end of class potluck. I declined. She rolled her eyes at me and said "of course you don't eat bread...". I secretly fantasized about eating the whole plate of rolls then backing my gassy stinky behind really close up next to her and helping her understand why I declined to eat it.

[rargirl]

Here is another oddity....

I think I am biased toward heavy people.

For example I make friends with heavy people instinctively. Perhaps it is because of the shared experience or because I feel less self conscious. I don't do it on purpose, more like by instinct.

If there is a plus size gal at the gym or the spa, it is almost a guarantee she will be my new pal. One of my friends suggested I do this because I want to be "the skinny one". That is definitely not it. I never think of what I look like relative to others in scale unless someone brings it up. In fact my mental self image is kind of confused. Sometimes when I see my reflection, I am really surprised. I think of myself as kind of chubby at least or at least plush and cuddly. However my reflection reveals a string bean figure- like a 14 yr old volleyball player who magically stepped in a time machine and aged 25 years. I think I look kind of "odd".

Also when confronted with media images I feel 90% of the women look too thin. If I am asked to pick the most attractive woman in a crowd I will invariably pick someone just a little bigger than me who has a "curvy" figure and is probably forced by the evil fashion industry to shop at Lane Bryant.

I also think chubby arms are really pretty in a juicy tender kind of way. One of my sister in laws was recently pregnant and I love her filled out soft and cuddly arms. She says she wants to lose her baby weight ASAP which is healthy and reasonable but I almost exclaimed "no! You look so pretty!" I had to check myself to keep those words from escaping.

Is it just me?

[Simba]

yes everything changes, and it doesnt matter how old you are. I personally dont like chubby arms-LOL I had them for too many years and I dont want them back. I sometimes think family can be the worse, sisters especially instead of being happy for you secretly want you to fail, just my thoughts