Do anyone else have this problem with family?

[lisa813]

I'm not angry, just frustrated. I love my husband to death but sometimes I'd really like to smack him one lol
When I met him I was at my heaviest weight ever, 304 and he loved me just the was I was. He is 6', muscular and has always eating like 2 horses, and it's annoying. All he has to do is look at the treadmill and he loses 20lbs. He has gained weight on and off due to medication from being Bipolar and age has made it harder to lose but when I went through RNY surgery in 2006 he did the same thing he is doing to me now that I've had a revision BPD/DS on 8/18. All of a sudden now he's getting into weight lifting and I have to keep hearing how, he knows I don't like how I am now but he does and he doesn't think I should weigh less than 150 and he needs to workout now cause he's afraid he's gonna gain weight while I lose weight. My last surgery when I got to 180 I used to tap on my collar bones and he said he didn't like it but honestly he made me feel like he didn't like me anymore. It seems everytime I try to get healthy and change my weight he starts too and he just over does it and doesn't stop obsessing and it totally turns me off and side tracks me and I don't want that to happen this time. Even my teenage daughter did it and does it to me. It's like everyone is worried I'm gonna look better than them and they panic and it feel try to sabotage me. Today he's showing me all these recipes in the beast body kit he got asking me if I'm gonna be able to cook the meals for him and I'm saying to myself, do it yourself, I'm doing my food why can't you do your own? I want to yell at him but I have to be careful at the same time cause of his bipolar so I keep it in and get really frustrated. As it is I have a 5 yr old I have to feed everyday and now he wants me to cook him these big meals when he sees I'm trying to learn how DSers are supposed to eat cause it's nothing like these last 3 months of what the nutritionist drilled in my head. I said to him today I think I figured out i have to have high protein, gluten free, low carb and not worry about fat which is totally different from how my head was prepared so I'm confused and then he comes with these 3,000 cal a day meals, like really? Then of course there's my mom who has stuffed my face with food my entire life and for the last 8 years still doesn't get through her head I don't want to eat cause I'm happy or sad or bored or just cause I came to say hello. She put me through HELL the night before and morning of the surgery begging me not to do it trying to guilt me, then threaten, then beg, then when I tell her my bp is now 204/104 and the doc said not to talk to her anymore tell me ok good luck, seriously? After my surgery it's all been about her too and how sick I had her all week while I was in the hospital recovering. Then pressuring me to tell my extended family the truth about what I did. Why are families like this? Or is it just mine? My husband I can forgive a little more cause of his bipolar and I know in a couple weeks he will realize what he did and be sorry but my mom just never stops and my teenage daughter, get over it being afraid your mom is hotter than you is your problem not mine lol God that felt good to get off my chest but I am wondering if other people have problems like this
Lisa


Lisa

[bboop]

Ignore your mother. You know she isn't doing you any favors. Just say ok, or smile. Keep on trucking. Your daughter can pitch a fit for all you should care...you are the mother - remember that.

Your husband needs to stop and stop it now. I understand he's bipolar and I do hope he will stop his high caloric meal requests fast. How are you cooking now? I'm sure you aren't eating that much so what's the big problem with him fixing his own food while you are in this recovery phase?

For starters they need to realize you are currently healing from surgery...that is your primary focus right now. Taking care of YOU. Your spouse, your teen can fend for themselves. The five y/o you will need to fix things for, but you can do that. They don't eat that much anyway.

Stay hydrated, drink your protein, and walk. Also rest...you just had major surgery...it's a big surgery and you need to heal. That is first and foremost.

Rather than screaming at him try talking sensibly to him...see if that works. He has got to understand this is for you and your health. Explain what you are doing and tell him you will be able to eat almost normally later on only in smaller portions. Although you can eat carbs later on I don't advise it...not until you are at goal or near it. You are a revision and as such you may lose slower than a virgin DS...just keep at it. Don't let anybody pull you down.

Stick to your guns!

Come back and visit often...ask questions and for God's sake, don't let them sabotage you and your DS.

[lisa813]

Aug 28, 2014 21:37:58 GMT -5 bboop said:

Ignore your mother. You know she isn't doing you any favors. Just say ok, or smile. Keep on trucking. Your daughter can pitch a fit for all you should care...you are the mother - remember that.

Your husband needs to stop and stop it now. I understand he's bipolar and I do hope he will stop his high caloric meal requests fast. How are you cooking now? I'm sure you aren't eating that much so what's the big problem with him fixing his own food while you are in this recovery phase?

For starters they need to realize you are currently healing from surgery...that is your primary focus right now. Taking care of YOU. Your spouse, your teen can fend for themselves. The five y/o you will need to fix things for, but you can do that. They don't eat that much anyway.

Stay hydrated, drink your protein, and walk. Also rest...you just had major surgery...it's a big surgery and you need to heal. That is first and foremost.

Rather than screaming at him try talking sensibly to him...see if that works. He has got to understand this is for you and your health. Explain what you are doing and tell him you will be able to eat almost normally later on only in smaller portions. Although you can eat carbs later on I don't advise it...not until you are at goal or near it. You are a revision and as such you may lose slower than a virgin DS...just keep at it. Don't let anybody pull you down.

Stick to your guns!

Come back and visit often...ask questions and for God's sake, don't let them sabotage you and your DS.

Thanks, that gave me a chuckle. I love my husband to death, just needed to get it off my chest. I will talk to him about it in a few days when he is more calm. Right now he's like full steam excitement so it's pointless. I know he means no harm, he just needs to understand how it makes me feel.

My mom, God forget that, she will never get it and for now I'm just saying I'm tired and don't feel like talking.

My daughter, she has nothing to be insecure about cause she's young, thin and beautiful, like me lol Seriously though she is my exact copy. People say she's my mini me and she just needs to realize I don't want or need the attention she does lol

My son is a cutie. He helps me more than anyone each day. He's so funny he even insists on doing my feeding tube flush. I'm so shocked it did not bother him seeing it at all, he thinks he puts the water in the one and it comes out the other lol only problem I've has with him is sharing. He keeps eating or drinking whatever I do so I have to keep extra notes on what I'm actually getting.

They get me frustrated but you're right, this time no one is sabotaging me so once I'm a little stronger I have to have a talk with them. I'm gonna weigh what I WANT TO, no one else and I'm gonna eat how I'm supposed to and the rest will have to join in and add their own if they want or not.

It is exciting and confusing and scary. First relearning how to eat for RNY and now it totally changing again, it's crazy, especially since everything the nutritionist told me is no good. This is a big journey and I will appreciate all the help I can get
Lisa


Lisa

[historytracker]

I also agree - ignore your mother. Stop seeing her and just focus on you. We are all responsible for what we eat, but sometimes people are enablers. I am married to one and when I had the RNY he decided to lose weight by taking some over the counter weight loss drug. It was all caffeine and he started experiencing palpitations and ended up in the ER because I was thinking he was having a heart attack.

So now he eats what he wants and is leaving me alone. This is my journey. I would love him to lose weight, but that is his choice and he must do what he needs to do. Besides he eats everything I cook and has been eating low carb. The only recipe I cannot change are my meatballs. To him they are sacred and low carb does not do them any justice.

Let your husband do the weight training and actually that would be good for you as well. Muscle = burns more calories. So sometime in future when you are feeling like exercising - maybe this is something you can do together. Good luck in your recovery.

[lisa813]

Aug 29, 2014 1:37:57 GMT -5 historytracker said:

I also agree - ignore your mother. Stop seeing her and just focus on you. We are all responsible for what we eat, but sometimes people are enablers. I am married to one and when I had the RNY he decided to lose weight by taking some over the counter weight loss drug. It was all caffeine and he started experiencing palpitations and ended up in the ER because I was thinking he was having a heart attack.

So now he eats what he wants and is leaving me alone. This is my journey. I would love him to lose weight, but that is his choice and he must do what he needs to do. Besides he eats everything I cook and has been eating low carb. The only recipe I cannot change are my meatballs. To him they are sacred and low carb does not do them any justice.

Let your husband do the weight training and actually that would be good for you as well. Muscle = burns more calories. So sometime in future when you are feeling like exercising - maybe this is something you can do together. Good luck in your recovery.

Thanks Connie. Yes my mom is an enabler, really bad! lol
We all actually used to work out as a family and had a good time. Hopefully well get back to that. I just don't want him to discourage me this time when and if I hit 180 and possibly go below. I'm doing this for me and this time I'm gonna do what feels good for me and no one else
He's always eaten mass amounts of food and thankfully I've never felt I have to keep up with him. I cook once and one thing, eat it or don't lol my daughters a vegetarian since age 8 so I've gotten used to things being added or not eaten, don't care, as long as you're all fed and I eat what I need to eat it's all good
I actually think writing what I wrote was very freeing for me. I feel so much happier and easier about all of it. Getting it out is good!


Lisa

[Joanne]

Unfortunately I predict this is just the start of the issues that will crop up regarding relationships with close people in your life. Massive weight loss changes things, and it seems to me they sense and maybe even fear that.

You cant control what they do. You can try to educate them and communicate with them, but if they don't support you, you'll have to learn to ignore the behavior (your mother). I realize ignoring your husband isn't really an option so you'll have to work through that with him.

There are reports and many stories of how massive weight loss affects personal relationships. My therapist told me that overweight same sex siblings,and an overweight same sex parent would be the hardest to deal with, and she was right. It changes the dynamics of a relationship.

As far as marriage, the saying is "it makes good marriages better, it makes bad marriages worse". At its best it can bring improved health, more activities, better sex, matter satisfaction, and new interests. At its worst it can bring fear, jealousy, and loss of power.

I'm not saying your marriage is bad - please dont get me wrong at all. I'm just saying to prepare for a mix of all these things. Usually what happens is somewhere in a spectrum of all these things mixed together. Find the good and focus on that, and communicate and work through the rest.

From a practical standpoint, I read many times about people being concerned their family will gain weight with the DS lifestyle. This doesnt have to be the case. A low carb lifestyle is healthy for many people. And even if they dont totally embrace low carb, modfications are easy once you get the hang of it. For example, if I make burgers for my family I'll just eat mine without the bun. If I make baked potatoes I'll eat whatever protein I make, and about 1/4 of the potato with lots of butter. If I make pasta I'll eat mine as a bowl of meat sauce (like chili almost) with about 1/4 cup of pasta on top. My husband calls mine Upside Down Spaghetti . The point is nothing is really off limits long term, you just learn to adjust your plate.

In the short term, as the other people said, the focus needs to be on your healing. Your food intake for the first few months has to be about what you can tolerate, and they have to support that.

Also can I make a suggestion? It might be easier when you post if you put more spaces and paragraphs in what you write. I've had a hard time reading some of your posts, and spacing would make it a lot easier.

[Deleted]

I had major issues with my wife for a while. She didn't like my body, loves me, but not my body. It takes a lot of time. It took her 1.5 years to get used to the new me, and now she has no issues with me, no downers, name calling (like skinny, bag-a-bones, etc..) or anything else now.

For your daughter,She's young enough to do something about her self-image if she doesn't like it. Don't worry about her being threatened by you, she's not. She is just fighting the change in you just as your husband is.

They will all get used to it in time. Your husband will take the longest.

Patience, and no fighting about it. As painful as it may be to hear the stuff they say, you need to keep going, and take it on the chin for a while. It is their problem, not a problem with you or what you have done. Try not to take it personally. They are upset about the change, not with you in particular, and irregardless of what comes out of their mouth..

I'm the one that cooks in my family, I still cook normal meals, Meat, veggie, and a side. I do not normally partake in the side dish. If they want something else, I'm fine with that. I'll make it for them, and i will find something else (left overs if there are any. I have 2 teenage boys, so nothing lasts very long in my house.) I will also find stuff to make that no one else likes, that I like, make a batch, and can eat on that for days, or weeks if it's something I can freeze and reheat. I don't make them eat the way I do, and i try not to change their routines to accommodate me.

It will ALL get better with time, I promise.

[jpcello]

Lisa - I read your post and unfortunately I'm single so I won't respond. As for your mother, I would suggest you simply tell her that you've made your decision and she has to accept it as you are an adult. If she chooses not to respect your decision, that's her problem not yours. Please don't accept her guilt - you have control over that. If you choose not to tell your extended family that's your business and no one else's.

Not just you -- to some degree we all have dysfunctional families.

You mentioned one thing in your post about your diet that I wanted to ask about. Why are you eating gluten free? Are you allergic to gluten? Remember that gluten free doesn't mean carb free.

Do you have someone to talk to - a therapist? Might be something to think about.

[lisa813]

Aug 29, 2014 5:42:50 GMT -5 Joanne said:

Unfortunately I predict this is just the start of the issues that will crop up regarding relationships with close people in your life. Massive weight loss changes things, and it seems to me they sense and maybe even fear that.

You cant control what they do. You can try to educate them and communicate with them, but if they don't support you, you'll have to learn to ignore the behavior (your mother). I realize ignoring your husband isn't really an option so you'll have to work through that with him.

There are reports and many stories of how massive weight loss affects personal relationships. My therapist told me that overweight same sex siblings,and an overweight same sex parent would be the hardest to deal with, and she was right. It changes the dynamics of a relationship.

As far as marriage, the saying is "it makes good marriages better, it makes bad marriages worse". At its best it can bring improved health, more activities, better sex, matter satisfaction, and new interests. At its worst it can bring fear, jealousy, and loss of power.

I'm not saying your marriage is bad - please dont get me wrong at all. I'm just saying to prepare for a mix of all these things. Usually what happens is somewhere in a spectrum of all these things mixed together. Find the good and focus on that, and communicate and work through the rest.

From a practical standpoint, I read many times about people being concerned their family will gain weight with the DS lifestyle. This doesnt have to be the case. A low carb lifestyle is healthy for many people. And even if they dont totally embrace low carb, modfications are easy once you get the hang of it. For example, if I make burgers for my family I'll just eat mine without the bun. If I make baked potatoes I'll eat whatever protein I make, and about 1/4 of the potato with lots of butter. If I make pasta I'll eat mine as a bowl of meat sauce (like chili almost) with about 1/4 cup of pasta on top. My husband calls mine Upside Down Spaghetti . The point is nothing is really off limits long term, you just learn to adjust your plate.

In the short term, as the other people said, the focus needs to be on your healing. Your food intake for the first few months has to be about what you can tolerate, and they have to support that.

Also can I make a suggestion? It might be easier when you post if you put more spaces and paragraphs in what you write. I've had a hard time reading some of your posts, and spacing would make it a lot easier.

Sorry Joanneb. Typing on my phone and in between being bothered by one thing or another sometimes I just keep typing and forget about punctuation and everything else.

You're right, weight loss/gain messes with a relationship. I know my hubby will be fine in a week or two. He has bipolar and the entire operation and stress from my mom has him a little messed up. Atleast him I can talk to and work things out with. We do have a very good marriage and have been together since I was 304 and 180 and everywhere in between.

My mom is and always has been a problem and that I am going to have to work on big time. Right now she lives behind me but in 6 months or so we will all be living together. I've been thinking of going to therapy and then having her join me, but not till I feel better.

I has this one way of being able to eat the last 8 years since the RNY. Then I decided to do this and spend 3 months with a nutritionist, that I had to pay $50 a week, who made me think I have to eat another way and then I was directed to this site, which I'm very grateful, and it's a completely different way than what she told me. So him coming at me to help him with his body building diet just set me over the edge. My brain is overwhelmed.

Till I feel better all I'm caring about is ME. Don't care if my mom thinks I'm selfish or any other comment she has. I think I've been doing pretty good. Have to get more water in though. Been getting 30-49g protein a day and 36-48oz of water.

Thanks for your comments and suggestions


Lisa

[lisa813]

Aug 29, 2014 5:42:50 GMT -5 Joanne said:

Unfortunately I predict this is just the start of the issues that will crop up regarding relationships with close people in your life. Massive weight loss changes things, and it seems to me they sense and maybe even fear that.

You cant control what they do. You can try to educate them and communicate with them, but if they don't support you, you'll have to learn to ignore the behavior (your mother). I realize ignoring your husband isn't really an option so you'll have to work through that with him.

There are reports and many stories of how massive weight loss affects personal relationships. My therapist told me that overweight same sex siblings,and an overweight same sex parent would be the hardest to deal with, and she was right. It changes the dynamics of a relationship.

As far as marriage, the saying is "it makes good marriages better, it makes bad marriages worse". At its best it can bring improved health, more activities, better sex, matter satisfaction, and new interests. At its worst it can bring fear, jealousy, and loss of power.

I'm not saying your marriage is bad - please dont get me wrong at all. I'm just saying to prepare for a mix of all these things. Usually what happens is somewhere in a spectrum of all these things mixed together. Find the good and focus on that, and communicate and work through the rest.

From a practical standpoint, I read many times about people being concerned their family will gain weight with the DS lifestyle. This doesnt have to be the case. A low carb lifestyle is healthy for many people. And even if they dont totally embrace low carb, modfications are easy once you get the hang of it. For example, if I make burgers for my family I'll just eat mine without the bun. If I make baked potatoes I'll eat whatever protein I make, and about 1/4 of the potato with lots of butter. If I make pasta I'll eat mine as a bowl of meat sauce (like chili almost) with about 1/4 cup of pasta on top. My husband calls mine Upside Down Spaghetti . The point is nothing is really off limits long term, you just learn to adjust your plate.

In the short term, as the other people said, the focus needs to be on your healing. Your food intake for the first few months has to be about what you can tolerate, and they have to support that.

Also can I make a suggestion? It might be easier when you post if you put more spaces and paragraphs in what you write. I've had a hard time reading some of your posts, and spacing would make it a lot easier.

Sorry Joanneb. Typing on my phone and in between being bothered by one thing or another sometimes I just keep typing and forget about punctuation and everything else.

You're right, weight loss/gain messes with a relationship. I know my hubby will be fine in a week or two. He has bipolar and the entire operation and stress from my mom has him a little messed up. Atleast him I can talk to and work things out with. We do have a very good marriage and have been together since I was 304 and 180 and everywhere in between.

My mom is and always has been a problem and that I am going to have to work on big time. Right now she lives behind me but in 6 months or so we will all be living together. I've been thinking of going to therapy and then having her join me, but not till I feel better.

I has this one way of being able to eat the last 8 years since the RNY. Then I decided to do this and spend 3 months with a nutritionist, that I had to pay $50 a week, who made me think I have to eat another way and then I was directed to this site, which I'm very grateful, and it's a completely different way than what she told me. So him coming at me to help him with his body building diet just set me over the edge. My brain is overwhelmed.

Till I feel better all I'm caring about is ME. Don't care if my mom thinks I'm selfish or any other comment she has. I think I've been doing pretty good. Have to get more water in though. Been getting 30-49g protein a day and 36-48oz of water.

Thanks for your comments and suggestions


Lisa

[lisa813]

Aug 29, 2014 5:42:50 GMT -5 Joanne said:

Unfortunately I predict this is just the start of the issues that will crop up regarding relationships with close people in your life. Massive weight loss changes things, and it seems to me they sense and maybe even fear that.

You cant control what they do. You can try to educate them and communicate with them, but if they don't support you, you'll have to learn to ignore the behavior (your mother). I realize ignoring your husband isn't really an option so you'll have to work through that with him.

There are reports and many stories of how massive weight loss affects personal relationships. My therapist told me that overweight same sex siblings,and an overweight same sex parent would be the hardest to deal with, and she was right. It changes the dynamics of a relationship.

As far as marriage, the saying is "it makes good marriages better, it makes bad marriages worse". At its best it can bring improved health, more activities, better sex, matter satisfaction, and new interests. At its worst it can bring fear, jealousy, and loss of power.

I'm not saying your marriage is bad - please dont get me wrong at all. I'm just saying to prepare for a mix of all these things. Usually what happens is somewhere in a spectrum of all these things mixed together. Find the good and focus on that, and communicate and work through the rest.

From a practical standpoint, I read many times about people being concerned their family will gain weight with the DS lifestyle. This doesnt have to be the case. A low carb lifestyle is healthy for many people. And even if they dont totally embrace low carb, modfications are easy once you get the hang of it. For example, if I make burgers for my family I'll just eat mine without the bun. If I make baked potatoes I'll eat whatever protein I make, and about 1/4 of the potato with lots of butter. If I make pasta I'll eat mine as a bowl of meat sauce (like chili almost) with about 1/4 cup of pasta on top. My husband calls mine Upside Down Spaghetti . The point is nothing is really off limits long term, you just learn to adjust your plate.

In the short term, as the other people said, the focus needs to be on your healing. Your food intake for the first few months has to be about what you can tolerate, and they have to support that.

Also can I make a suggestion? It might be easier when you post if you put more spaces and paragraphs in what you write. I've had a hard time reading some of your posts, and spacing would make it a lot easier.

Sorry Joanneb. Typing on my phone and in between being bothered by one thing or another sometimes I just keep typing and forget about punctuation and everything else.

You're right, weight loss/gain messes with a relationship. I know my hubby will be fine in a week or two. He has bipolar and the entire operation and stress from my mom has him a little messed up. Atleast him I can talk to and work things out with. We do have a very good marriage and have been together since I was 304 and 180 and everywhere in between.

My mom is and always has been a problem and that I am going to have to work on big time. Right now she lives behind me but in 6 months or so we will all be living together. I've been thinking of going to therapy and then having her join me, but not till I feel better.

I has this one way of being able to eat the last 8 years since the RNY. Then I decided to do this and spend 3 months with a nutritionist, that I had to pay $50 a week, who made me think I have to eat another way and then I was directed to this site, which I'm very grateful, and it's a completely different way than what she told me. So him coming at me to help him with his body building diet just set me over the edge. My brain is overwhelmed.

Till I feel better all I'm caring about is ME. Don't care if my mom thinks I'm selfish or any other comment she has. I think I've been doing pretty good. Have to get more water in though. Been getting 30-49g protein a day and 36-48oz of water.

Thanks for your comments and suggestions


Lisa

[lisa813]

Aug 29, 2014 7:30:20 GMT -5 jpcello said:

Lisa - I read your post and unfortunately I'm single so I won't respond. As for your mother, I would suggest you simply tell her that you've made your decision and she has to accept it as you are an adult. If she chooses not to respect your decision, that's her problem not yours. Please don't accept her guilt - you have control over that. If you choose not to tell your extended family that's your business and no one else's.

Not just you -- to some degree we all have dysfunctional families.

You mentioned one thing in your post about your diet that I wanted to ask about. Why are you eating gluten free? Are you allergic to gluten? Remember that gluten free doesn't mean carb free.

Do you have someone to talk to - a therapist? Might be something to think about.

Ah! I didn't think about the carb part of it! I thought gluten free would be better on the gas/bloating problems I've heard some say but I didn't look into the carb part. Like I said I'm trying to figure it all out between old life style, what the doc and nut said and what I'm reading. Still a work in progress! lol


Lisa

[lisa813]

Ok
Obviously my phone went crazy and posted replies 6 thousand times! Sorry!


Lisa

[bboop]

I think you had better get one thing straight...none of us here have ever had a decent nutritionist that understands the DS way of eating. Now there is sure to be somebody on here who will pipe up and say I had one...well good...but the vast majority of us had terrible ones. So pretty much forget what your nutritionist said.

Low carb...not gluten free. I noticed that many, if not all gluten free items are loaded with rice flour...that's a definite NO NO. So start over and remember protein first...that means lots of meat of any kind, eggs, cheese and whatever dairy you can tolerate. Usually yogurt, with SF fruit in it...you make have to add SF preserves to a plane yogurt. I'm lucky, I can unfortunately eat just about anything unless it's super hot/spicy. Watch out for milk...it has a lot of carbs - so check out the low to no carb milks out there. You could be lactose intolerant in the beginning, so it will be a trial and error kind of thing.

Do you know what to eat after this initial phase? What are you eating now? Give us a list and I'm sure were can make suggestions to you. I know eating in the beginning was somewhat frustrating for me and several of us on here have experienced the same thing. So please ask us questions and we will be happy to answer.

Getting off on the right foot is important and I know you want to do that.

Hope your family is beginning to calm down, and if they don't go and see a therapist...they can do wonders for us.

[lisa813]

Aug 29, 2014 20:21:03 GMT -5 bboop said:

I think you had better get one thing straight...none of us here have ever had a decent nutritionist that understands the DS way of eating. Now there is sure to be somebody on here who will pipe up and say I had one...well good...but the vast majority of us had terrible ones. So pretty much forget what your nutritionist said.

Low carb...not gluten free. I noticed that many, if not all gluten free items are loaded with rice flour...that's a definite NO NO. So start over and remember protein first...that means lots of meat of any kind, eggs, cheese and whatever dairy you can tolerate. Usually yogurt, with SF fruit in it...you make have to add SF preserves to a plane yogurt. I'm lucky, I can unfortunately eat just about anything unless it's super hot/spicy. Watch out for milk...it has a lot of carbs - so check out the low to no carb milks out there. You could be lactose intolerant in the beginning, so it will be a trial and error kind of thing.

Do you know what to eat after this initial phase? What are you eating now? Give us a list and I'm sure were can make suggestions to you. I know eating in the beginning was somewhat frustrating for me and several of us on here have experienced the same thing. So please ask us questions and we will be happy to answer.

Getting off on the right foot is important and I know you want to do that.

Hope your family is beginning to calm down, and if they don't go and see a therapist...they can do wonders for us.

Thank you, I appreciate it. My hubby is good. He is trying to help and I just took my anger and frustration out on him. He really is supportive, just a little nervous himself sometimes.

Right now I'm trying to get my 48-64 oz of water in without drinking 30 minutes before and 30 minutes after. The drinking before and after eating has always been a problem for me, even with the RNY

I start my day (after my meds and water) with a small protein shake made with lactaid milk which I have used for the last 10 years. That's 9g protein

I have Wellesse liquid protein. Each tablespoon is 10g of protein and sugar free
(I either put it in my water and drink throughout the day or I drink it on 3 sep occasions.)
That's 30g of protein

I've had (not all in one day, just so far)
Sugar free jello
Sugar free pudding
Chicken broth with egg whites
Yogurt
Ice pops

I've been getting 30-49g of protein a day

That's about it for now. My appt is on Tuesday, September 2 to get my drain and feeding tube out and see if I am allowed to progress with the diet

I was very anemic prior to surgery and have hypothyriodism so I am VERY tired even though they gave me 2 infusions of iron prior to going home

The feeding tube hurts very bad how he attached it to my skin.

I had surgery on 8/18
My weight day of surgery was 246
The day I came home on 8/22 I was 251
Today on 8/29 I'm 238

I've been taking a stool softner and laxative everyday but have yet to have a BM. I have trouble with constipation due to my thyriod medication, pain medication for failed back surgery and iron and I'm deathly afraid of getting to constipated when I'm cut open from breastbone to belly button.

That's about it


Lisa

[Mariposa(Heather)]

Hi Lisa,

I wanted to point out that you can and should be drinking water whenever you would like. With the DS there is no restricting your water for 30 minutes before and after eating.

Congrats on your surgery!

Heather

[lisa813]

Aug 30, 2014 0:01:32 GMT -5 Mariposa(Heather) said:

Hi Lisa,

I wanted to point out that you can and should be drinking water whenever you would like. With the DS there is no restricting your water for 30 minutes before and after eating.

Congrats on your surgery!

Heather

Really??!!! Ok now my mind is totally blown lol


Lisa

[jpcello]

Lisa - unfortunately everything you followed for the RNY goes out the window. When I had my surgery I was given RNY instructions and because it was before these wonderful boards that's what I followed for years. Even thought I feel it helped with my weight loss, I now can drink anytime I want. I don't drink as much while eating as I did pre-op but I still drink during meals (and immediately before). Sometimes I have issues with hot liquids immediately after eating (say you're out to dinner and then order coffee - I've learned that coffee will not work for me).

The DS is a high protein, high fat, low carb diet - at least during the weight loss window. You don't need to eat egg whites only anymore. You can eat the whole egg (and still not worry about your cholesterol). Number 1 with the DS is protein. Ultimately once you're healed (3+ month mark) you should get it at least 100 grams of protein. Fat doesn't matter - it just depends on how your body handles it. Some have issues with heavy fat early out - YMMV. Carbs are where you have to work. To take full advance of your weight loss window, many keep carbs to about 50 grams per day. Many also use carbs to ultimately slow the weight loss - obviously complex carbs are much better for you (grains, veggies - careful with fruit). Simple carbs (sugars) are the killer. Pasta, rice, breads, etc.

And of course there's water and vitamins - that will come with time as well.

At this point in your process you're doing great with protein and water.

[bboop]

The rule on protein is 30 grams in 30 days, then 60 and finally 90 in ninety days. Sounds like you are headed that way. I wanted to point out that there are protein powders out there that have much more protein than 9 grams per serving. I'm using one now that has 28 grams per one scoop...I usually add two scoops and so that gives me 60 grams right off the bat. Make sure to read the label and see how many carbs vs protein. If you are only getting 9 grams at one sitting you need to see about another protein drink. I found this latest one at CVS, it's their brand. I know there is one out there that has 30 grams per serving, I think that is with two scoops. I just use mine with good old water and it seems to work for me. I have a bottle with a blender ball in it and I just shake it up pop a straw in it and drink.

You food list looks great. Just keep on trucking. One thing you need to know is hydration is a must at this point. I don't think I stressed that enough in my my other posts. You should have a glass of water with you at all times...sip, sip sip, walk, walk, walk, and REST. Really push the fluids...that will help some with the constipation, too. Have you tried a stool softener...I can't remember what you said. Try that and see if it will help. Can you back off the pain meds some...don't go off of them completely if you still need them, but they will really bind you up.

Looks like you are doing fine. You can add yogurt to your diet if you like and heavy whipping cream makes go like crazy...don't think you are ready to try that yet, but keep that in mind for later on.

Welcome to the dark side...we are glad you are here. Now come back and ask questions...we love questions.

[goodkel]

Lisa, please put your stats (surgery date, type, etc) in your profile under your avatar. It will help others personalize their advice to your particular stage in the weight loss process. PM me if you would like some private help with that.

That said, at any stage, water/liquids take priority over everything else. If there is not enough room to both eat and drink, you don't eat. 64 ounces a day is a minimum. Dehydration happens quickly and can land you right back in the hospital. It can be deadly.

Yes you can drink before during and after meals. When you had a pouch with a stoma, there was nothing to prevent liquids from flushing food into your intestines before its time. With the DS, the pyloric valve at the bottom of your stomach regulates the flow of food into your intestines. You can't flush food past it with liquids.

As others have mentioned, the goals for protein consumption are 30, 60, 90. 30 grams by 30 days and so on.
The powdered variety that you mix yourself generally provides more protein and fewer carbs than bars and pre-mixed shakes. You can get a tub in Walmart for around $18. Just make sure that is is Whey Isolate Protein. Protein in the form of collagen does nothing for you and does not go towards your daily count.

Keep carbs under 50 grams a day to maximize your weight loss and avoid intestinal distress.
Except for fiber, which the human body is unable to digest, all carbs turn to sugar in the digestion process. You absorb 100% of sugar. Eating low carb is healthy for everyone in your family. Avoid anything labelled lite, light, low fat, reduced fat, or fat free. When they remove the fat from these items, they add sugar to make up for the decrease in taste. Since you malabsorb fat at 80% (more than any other food), everything you eat is automatically low fat and, as mentioned above, you absorb 100% of sugar.

Do not expect to sit down to "meals" three times a day. You need to eat (protein) any time you are hungry. All day every day. I don't recall reading anything about the volume of food you are managing, but most new post-ops can only get in a few spoonfuls at a time. That is fine. Have another couple of spoonfuls when you are hungry 2-3 hours later. Again, all day every day. As long as what you are eating is protein or fat, you can eat as much of it as you need to satisfy your hunger. The rule is that when you are hungry you must eat. A handful of nuts, a cheese stick, jerky, a boiled egg, full fat yogurt, a few slices of bacon with cheese melted on top, whatever floats your boat. Bring a baggie of something along with you when you go out so you have something at hand to nibble on if hunger strikes. That is/was my only use for protein bars.

Are you taking the Vitalady regimen of vitamins? If not, what are you taking?

Sorry if I am repeating information that you already know. With all the different sources of incorrect info floating around in your head, I thought that spelling out the basics of your new reality might be of some help.

Since your husband must process this new reality, too, feel free to send him here if he has any questions.

[bboop]

Goodkel, thanks for making the eating so much clearer than I did. Seriously, thanks so much.

[goodkel]

Your post was excellent, Ms. Boop, as usual. Clear and informative. I just wanted to go a little further since she has so much incorrect info in her head.

[lisa813]

Aug 30, 2014 22:32:54 GMT -5 goodkel said:

Your post was excellent, Ms. Boop, as usual. Clear and informative. I just wanted to go a little further since she has so much incorrect info in her head.

EVERYONE thank you so much! I really mean it. All of you have helped me so much!

I will update my avatar thingy lol

I just don't understand why even the bariatric coordinator and her dietician in the hospital even gave me all this wrong information knowing I had BPD/DS. She has had DS herself and yet everything she told me is incorrect. It seriously all blows my mind. I guess I should thank my hubby for
Pissing me off and writing this post cause I feel so much clearer now and informed lol

It helps too that my brain fog from the anesthesia and medication is wearing off. Been a little busy and exhausted though since the hubby went back to work. He works 15 hour nights from thurs-mon so basically I'm alone with a 5 yr old till Monday and just a little worn out now.

I'm gonna work at getting more water in and now that I know I can just keep drinking I don't think it will be that hard!

The protein shake I have now is 18g with 8oz but I'm only doing 4oz right now so it's 9g. I am going to get isopure next week though

These are the vitamins I had ordered in the picture. I think I got them all.

I also found the pages I listed from living the DS life. I think they give me some more ideas and are correct though it would only let me post 2.

I really sincerely appreciate all the information. Before talking to everyone I was scared to death and now I feel so much more at ease and relaxed.

I think I have it now! lol
48-64 oz water NO MATTER WHAT and all day and night
100g protein (30,60,90 then 100)
LOW CARB (50g) -not gluten free lol
High fat
We eat low carb to help us with our widget loss and for some control out bowel and bathroom

I think that's right! Again thank you thank you thank you!


Lisa

Attachments:

[goodkel]

I am concerned about your vitamins. A, D, E, and K are fat soluble. That means that, unless they are the DRY formulation, you will malabsorb 80% of what you take in from them. Plus they don't list the dosage. Usually combination pills don't contain enough of any of the vitamins in them.

Your A must also be composed of palmitate, not beta carotene.
D3 is only 1000 iu. Most of us take 50,000 a day. But, that would depend on your labs.

You can take that fish oil, if you'd like. but only at least two hours apart from any other vitamins or prescription drugs. You'll malabsorb those at 80%, too, as well as any other pills you take with it.

Your safest bet is to take the Vitalady starter kit and adjust from there based on lab results three months later. Get a hard copy of your labs so you can track them yourself and titrate your own dosages. Most doctors are only concerned that your values fall into the normal range. If you are at the lower end of normal, which they will shrug off as fine, you will need to increase your dosage. If your values are trending down, even if you are in the normal range, you need to adjust your dosage to bring it up. You need all your labs to come in at the high end of normal. Deficiencies are much easier to prevent than they are to correct.

This is what I am taking and I am not fighting any deficiencies at the moment:
weightlosssurgery.proboards.com/thread/8023/vitamin-list

From the first, my jaw dropped at the recommendation on your "What to eat"list.

Second week: Ice cream. Really? Are they insane?
Third week: potatoes, steamed veggies, and fruit? They don't have a clue and should be ashamed for putting this in writing.
Week Four and beyond: Potato salad and macaroni salad. I'm thinking that a lawsuit would not be inappropriate.
Meat loaf and lasagna. Nope. Only without the bread crumbs or pasta.
Snacks: cheese and crackers. NO only cheese
Chex Mix. Sun Chips. Pretzels. NO. NO. NO.

From their fast food list:
KFC mashed potatoes and gravy. No, but it is an appropriate food temporarily in the first weeks of eating--the mushy stage.
You CAN, however eat an original recipe chicken leg or wing.

Refried/red beans & rice: Rice is the worst choice at any fast food establishment. Too many carbs.

And really, a Wendy's baked potato? with all the deliciously greasy meat available? You can have a fast food cheeseburger or hamburger. Use the bun just to hold it or ask them to wrap it in lettuce for you. A baked potato is probably THE worst food you could choose from their menu besides Frostys.

They encourage high carb foods and they go on and on about calories, WHICH DO NOT MATTER. We don't count calories. We count protein grams to make sure we are getting enough and carbohydrate grams to make sure we are not eating too many. Period. End of story.

Throw that thing out or line a bird cage with it. That is all it is good for.

[goodkel]

Ps. Gluten free is fine. But, it is not a free food as it is still loaded with carbs that you must include in your count.

64 ounces of liquids MINIMUM.

[lisa813]

Aug 31, 2014 16:53:36 GMT -5 goodkel said:

I am concerned about your vitamins. A, D, E, and K are fat soluble. That means that, unless they are the DRY formulation, you will malabsorb 80% of what you take in from them. Plus they don't list the dosage. Usually combination pills don't contain enough of any of the vitamins in them.

Your A must also be composed of palmitate, not beta carotene.
D3 is only 1000 iu. Most of us take 50,000 a day. But, that would depend on your labs.

You can take that fish oil, if you'd like. but only at least two hours apart from any other vitamins or prescription drugs. You'll malabsorb those at 80%, too, as well as any other pills you take with it.

Your safest bet is to take the Vitalady starter kit and adjust from there based on lab results three months later. Get a hard copy of your labs so you can track them yourself and titrate your own dosages. Most doctors are only concerned that your values fall into the normal range. If you are at the lower end of normal, which they will shrug off as fine, you will need to increase your dosage. If your values are trending down, even if you are in the normal range, you need to adjust your dosage to bring it up. You need all your labs to come in at the high end of normal. Deficiencies are much easier to prevent than they are to correct.

This is what I am taking and I am not fighting any deficiencies at the moment:
weightlosssurgery.proboards.com/thread/8023/vitamin-list

From the first, my jaw dropped at the recommendation on your "What to eat"list.

Second week: Ice cream. Really? Are they insane?
Third week: potatoes, steamed veggies, and fruit? They don't have a clue and should be ashamed for putting this in writing.
Week Four and beyond: Potato salad and macaroni salad. I'm thinking that a lawsuit would not be inappropriate.
Meat loaf and lasagna. Nope. Only without the bread crumbs or pasta.
Snacks: cheese and crackers. NO only cheese
Chex Mix. Sun Chips. Pretzels. NO. NO. NO.

From their fast food list:
KFC mashed potatoes and gravy. No, but it is an appropriate food temporarily in the first weeks of eating--the mushy stage.
You CAN, however eat an original recipe chicken leg or wing.

Refried/red beans & rice: Rice is the worst choice at any fast food establishment. Too many carbs.

And really, a Wendy's baked potato? with all the deliciously greasy meat available? You can have a fast food cheeseburger or hamburger. Use the bun just to hold it or ask them to wrap it in lettuce for you. A baked potato is probably THE worst food you could choose from their menu besides Frostys.

They encourage high carb foods and they go on and on about calories, WHICH DO NOT MATTER. We don't count calories. We count protein grams to make sure we are getting enough and carbohydrate grams to make sure we are not eating too many. Period. End of story.

Throw that thing out or line a bird cage with it. That is all it is good for.

lol now you know why I was so confused
I'm not following any of the paperwork I was given

I know from with my thyroid not to listen to the doctors with my levels. It has to be by how I feel not the numbers

I have been taking prescription vitamin D and it's 1 pill a week at 50,000. You're saying 50,000 per day? If so I will ask dr. Greenbaum to prescribe it for me at my visit Tuesday

Twin lab is supposed to be bariatric vitamins. This is my first order of the ADEK and once I get the package that I can actually see it I'll see if it fits.

I tried looking in vitalady on my phone as my computer is broken at the moment and I couldn't figure out ordering the vitamins. Maybe it looks differently on the computer and easier to figure out. I go back to work Thursday so ill check out the site on the computer there.

And I forgot some of the vitamins are my husbands, the fish oil and others. Not sure if they were all on that list. I like using them because it's auto reorder and I don't have to remember to order them because honestly my life gets very hectic. Like this new stupid mail order prescription that I have to do because of the surgery and having to get to the doctor I've been without my thyroid medicine 2 weeks now and I don't want that happening with my vitamins

Prior my only low vitamins were iron and zinc but I plan on being very aggressive with blood work and level checks from now on. The last 20 years I've been the primary care taker to my grand parents, parents and family. My grand parents have passed in the last 4 years and my dad will be 2 years in a couple weeks. Their loss has been very emotionally hard on me but at the same time has made me realize how little I've cared for myself over the years and it's one more thing that is changing. It's time for me first and then everyone else, not the other way around.

I had my protein (30g) today
A yogurt 5g
And made 1/2 c chicken broth with 1 while egg dropped in (8g) OMG was that filling and so GOOD!
So 43g today and 48oz and counting on the water

My husband will finally be home tomorrow and I can finally go outside for a walk. I have drop foot and nerve damage so normally I trip and fall and I've been scared to go alone with my 5yr old out for a walk so I can't wait!

I am having a hard time standing straight up. I have very back pain in my chest right above the incision. I'm hoping it gets better soon.
Thanks again


Lisa

[newyorkbitch]

You do not need prescription Vit D. You need DRY vitamin D. You can get it from vita lady or even from amazon.

[newyorkbitch]

Your hectic life cannot prevent you from taking care of yourself. Period.

[goodkel]

Aug 31, 2014 20:28:50 GMT -5 lisa813 said:

lol now you know why I was so confused
I'm not following any of the paperwork I was given

I know from with my thyroid not to listen to the doctors with my levels. It has to be by how I feel not the numbers

I have been taking prescription vitamin D and it's 1 pill a week at 50,000. You're saying 50,000 per day? If so I will ask dr. Greenbaum to prescribe it for me at my visit Tuesday

Twin lab is supposed to be bariatric vitamins. This is my first order of the ADEK and once I get the package that I can actually see it I'll see if it fits.

I tried looking in vitalady on my phone as my computer is broken at the moment and I couldn't figure out ordering the vitamins. Maybe it looks differently on the computer and easier to figure out. I go back to work Thursday so ill check out the site on the computer there.

And I forgot some of the vitamins are my husbands, the fish oil and others. Not sure if they were all on that list. I like using them because it's auto reorder and I don't have to remember to order them because honestly my life gets very hectic. Like this new stupid mail order prescription that I have to do because of the surgery and having to get to the doctor I've been without my thyroid medicine 2 weeks now and I don't want that happening with my vitamins

Prior my only low vitamins were iron and zinc but I plan on being very aggressive with blood work and level checks from now on. The last 20 years I've been the primary care taker to my grand parents, parents and family. My grand parents have passed in the last 4 years and my dad will be 2 years in a couple weeks. Their loss has been very emotionally hard on me but at the same time has made me realize how little I've cared for myself over the years and it's one more thing that is changing. It's time for me first and then everyone else, not the other way around.

I had my protein (30g) today
A yogurt 5g
And made 1/2 c chicken broth with 1 while egg dropped in (8g) OMG was that filling and so GOOD!
So 43g today and 48oz and counting on the water

My husband will finally be home tomorrow and I can finally go outside for a walk. I have drop foot and nerve damage so normally I trip and fall and I've been scared to go alone with my 5yr old out for a walk so I can't wait!

I am having a hard time standing straight up. I have very back pain in my chest right above the incision. I'm hoping it gets better soon.
Thanks again


Lisa

DRY D3 is not available in a prescription. A prescription would be/is useless for what you need. You are only providing the sewer system with a lot of your hard earned money.

The DS is not your usual bariatric surgery. Those "bariatric" vitamins might be fine for the RnY (gastric bypass), but they are insufficient for us.

Any vitamin that combines ADEK vitamins, won't be the correct dosage even if they do happen to be dry.

If you want to go on auto-pilot and not think about what you are buying, the only course to go is with Vitalady's pack. It will have everything you need until your first 3 month set of labs when some tweaking may be in order.

That paperwork you were given might be appropriate for the RnY, but it is in no way appropriate for a DSer. It would be safe to assume that their vitamin recommendations are the same.

Good work on the protein.

You can put the whole egg in the soup, you know.

Keep working on the liquids. The water in your shakes and your soup broth counts, too.