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Post by teachermomolp on Apr 15, 2014 12:39:32 GMT -5
He asked me to post this thread. He is alarmed at the amount of time I spend reading this board. He says it's unhealthy. I think HE'S the one who is crazy- I get the help and support I need that my doctor's office cannot provide. How do your spouses/SOs feel? I need this right now and there are so few people who have even heard of the DS anyway... And besides, who else can I discuss poop with?? He tells me that's TMI so it can't be the hubs!!!
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Post by Girlrocker on Apr 15, 2014 12:48:14 GMT -5
Well, he might discount my opinion since I'm a single gal But I can tell you, I LIVED on this board 24/7 my early recovery months especially, and spent a lot of time on it through the first year particularly. Both times I had surgery, RNY and revision. This is pretty normal, when looking at the rate of newbies posts/threads vs. people further out. So, tell him he should be glad you have an outlet to vent with so he doesn't have to hear it all the time. Most of the people I know with spouses know all about this place and some, like Taterweight's hubby were totally up on all the people/characters, he cracked me up. Your time here will eventually streamline into a routine of checking in, but right now, best place you can be to sort it all out, and he and everyone around you will benefit too
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Post by amydroe on Apr 15, 2014 12:51:51 GMT -5
He asked me to post this thread. He is alarmed at the amount of time I spend reading this board. He says it's unhealthy. I think HE'S the one who is crazy- I get the help and support I need that my doctor's office cannot provide. How do your spouses/SOs feel? I need this right now and there are so few people who have even heard of the DS anyway... And besides, who else can I discuss poop with?? He tells me that's TMI so it can't be the hubs!!! Ughhhh!!! I check this board all throughout the day and my hubs doesn't give a damn. He actually is glad I have everyone to help me through this. Funny you mention poop! I never passed gas and certainly never talked about poop with my hubs before this. Now, he asks me everyday if I pooped!!! It was days since I had last week and he knocked on the door while I was to ask me!!! I promise you of all things we've done and still do, checking this board is the least unhealthy of them all!!!
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Post by teachermomolp on Apr 15, 2014 13:03:01 GMT -5
Haha!! You're right Amy- this is the LEAST unhealthy thing I do. I told him to stick it (in a nice way) so he'll be checking in tonight. I think he's thinking of crazy anonymous chat boards that harbor pedophiles, or something like that! I'll show him this thread later tonight!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2014 13:11:13 GMT -5
I think when you are first learning and going through the process you will tend to obsess about it. I highly recommend finding a local support group to supplement the time spent here because you do need that level of support too. It can become unhealthy if ALL YOU DO is read and post here to the exclusion of other things. You will find that the first 6 months or so this is a huge part of your life but it should naturally taper off as you become more comfortable.
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Post by Leonie on Apr 15, 2014 13:33:40 GMT -5
In the evenings we spend an hour or so on our own internet stuff. He plays chess, I visit here. We boh check Facebook. He knows this is my lifeline and often asks 'what's happening on your boards?'
It does become less important with time, but I was totally committed here early on as I have no other WLS support group. You are it, and I love you all.
Tell your hubby the rewards are coming...
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Post by meq815 on Apr 15, 2014 19:25:03 GMT -5
When I first came here, I did obsess about it. And I'm sure I drove my husband nuts! Now, it's like "you know, (insert Lisa, Sharyl, Kenny etc. here) said...." from "the forum". He just accepts it as he's accepted all the other crazy changes that have taken place this past year.
I, personally, will always be grateful I found this place, and hate to think of where I'd be without it. I believe angels guided me here. And Sharyl is right (as usual). As you get back to your "normal" life, you won't be on as much, as often. But that's the beauty- we'll all be here when you do check in! There's just so much to learn here. And too few people IRL that truly get it.
Amy- I always said that I believed my hubby never even knew I pooped in all the years we've been together lol! Let alone farted. That's all changed Hahahaha.
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Post by annaleigh on Apr 15, 2014 21:37:22 GMT -5
I needed to spend a lot of time on message boards, collecting info and living vicariously through those who had surgery before me.
Does your husband feel lonely, since you're spending more time online? Maybe he wants more conversation/interaction with you.
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Post by bboop on Apr 15, 2014 21:56:41 GMT -5
Enjoy yourself...your hubs just needs to learn. Plain and simple. Show him the board let him see it isn't a place for perverts...unless poop and farts will send him running.
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Post by melanie74 on Apr 15, 2014 23:22:20 GMT -5
I was just like you .... Couldn't sleep so I would read posts for hours and post questions of my own. My husband was used to me getting online support for WLS since I was banded - but at first he was curious what I was reading all the time. Now if I am struggling with something he says automatically "check with your board - I bet they know!" Yes the old 90's chat rooms are probably your husband's hang up. Just let him know you're talking to a lot of recovering fatties. (no offense anyone - just teasing) and that it's no threat to your relationship with him. My own DH is one of my biggest cheerleaders - but my very stinky BMs are about to kill him. No spray helps. Sometimes I feel so sorry that he has to deal with that odor.
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Post by Taterweight on Apr 16, 2014 1:49:17 GMT -5
As Sharyl mentioned, my hubby is all A-ok with you all, my "imaginary" friends! (as he affectionately refers to anyone with a computer) AND he's on here occasionally too, checking up on me! He knows I'm insatiable when I need to know stuff - and I need to know stuff about living with this DS!! This, to me, is not like hanging out on Facebook - this is life or death stuff. I don't want to trade being skinny for being anemic, riddled with osteoporosis, or calcifications coz I didn't know which vitamins to take! Besides, where else can I have, and gossip about, my love affair with Bacon? Poop and gas? Bah, I grew up with 4 brothers and am the only female in my testosterone fueled household....there are no potty secrets over here!
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Post by jpcello on Apr 16, 2014 5:41:12 GMT -5
Like Sharyl I'm single too but even at 11 years post-op I still come to the boards at least once or twice a day. I call it paying it forward. I didn't have these boards when I had my surgery so I know how important institutional knowledge can be. I hope your hubs understands that having the DS is a major life event.
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Post by teachermomolp on Apr 16, 2014 6:56:22 GMT -5
I don't think he gets it yet- that the DS is a huge life event. I still look (relatively) the same and not much has changed except he now says I'm a cheap date (at the restaurants!. He met me 100 pound lighter than I am now so a 40 pound loss is nothing new. I think he sometimes forgets I've changed my life...but because it didn't happen all at once, I'm not sure he really understands it yet. He gets frustrated that I want/need VERY specific things from the grocery store (Not low fat, full fat! Not generic brand, the gluten free one! Not Tostitos, get the organic soy flaxseed chips!). We're learning together, I guess. He did ask me what y'all said!! And for the record, I check a few times a day- I'm not on 24/7. But I need you all right now! So thanks!
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Post by tina9999 on Apr 16, 2014 11:11:02 GMT -5
Totally normal & I'm right at 5 months now & usually just check in once a week or so.
Although if a man said it, it must be true!
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Post by goodkel on Apr 17, 2014 0:35:07 GMT -5
No local DS surgeons, so only RnY groups. Online boards were my only resource for information and support. That was how I learned about the DS.
It is unhealthy to do anything to the exclusion of other things.
But, while someone is still learning about their new anatomy and how to deal with its quirks, they NEED to be here. It is smart and healthy to be here because rarely can this information be found elsewhere. Consider this place an online course in how to stay alive and healthy in their new lives.
I am continually learning. Much changes throughout the years with new scientific data that effects what vitamins we need and the dosages required. No one was talking about K2 MK-7 or D3 when I had my DS, for instance. Some people without bacterial imbalances were taking Flagyl just to mitigate gas so they could eat carbs without repercussions. (those repercussions came later in the form of massive regain, but that's a whole other story.)
I also stuck around so I could reach my hand back to offer support like I had received. If vets hadn't been around back then, I wouldn't have found other DSers online,I wouldn't have known that my issues were normal without their stories, I wouldn't have found remarkable recipes that kept me away from carbs, I wouldn't have known what vitamins to take what labs to draw or how to analyze them. I wouldn't have found my surgeon.
I would probably be overweight and in pain from the lap band I had been considering.
So even when their lives normalize, I hope our new post ops stick around to reach their hands back, too. You included, teach.
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Post by goodkel on Apr 17, 2014 0:50:44 GMT -5
I was just like you .... Couldn't sleep so I would read posts for hours and post questions of my own. My husband was used to me getting online support for WLS since I was banded - but at first he was curious what I was reading all the time. Now if I am struggling with something he says automatically "check with your board - I bet they know!" Yes the old 90's chat rooms are probably your husband's hang up. Just let him know you're talking to a lot of recovering fatties. (no offense anyone - just teasing) and that it's no threat to your relationship with him. My own DH is one of my biggest cheerleaders - but my very stinky BMs are about to kill him. No spray helps. Sometimes I feel so sorry that he has to deal with that odor. As far out as you are, your bowel movements shouldn't be so deadly. It is probably something you are eating that is causing it. Unless your goal is to start a new life with a hot, young cabana boy using DH's life insurance proceeds, you may want to start an elimination diet to discover the culprit.
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Post by newyorkbitch on Apr 17, 2014 8:01:42 GMT -5
My BMs are frequently deadly, and have always been. No matter what I eat. I think this just happens to some people.
I suggest getting an exhaust fan installed in the bathroom, flushing during pooping and immediately after, sometimes several times during the process. Put a scented candle in the bathroom 24/7, and spray air freshener before, during, and after. Also open the bathroom window before you sit down, and keep it open afterwards with the door closed.
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Post by teachermomolp on Apr 17, 2014 8:28:44 GMT -5
My BM fragrance is definitely related to what I eat. But I flush 5-6 times, turn on the fan and spray air freshener all over.
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Post by jpcello on Apr 17, 2014 8:53:43 GMT -5
My BM fragrance is definitely related to what I eat. But I flush 5-6 times, turn on the fan and spray air freshener all over. Do you use Devrom? I know it's hit and miss but it works for me. It must be taken consistently - I take 2 pills three times a day (before meals).
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Post by melanie74 on Apr 17, 2014 20:48:48 GMT -5
My BM fragrance is definitely related to what I eat. But I flush 5-6 times, turn on the fan and spray air freshener all over. Do you use Devrom? I know it's hit and miss but it works for me. It must be taken consistently - I take 2 pills three times a day (before meals). I have to tried this - mainly because I really don't want to add MORE pills to my life right now. I do use spray, the fan, and multiple flushes. Some BMs are worse than others. I think it's just much more stinky than I ever was before and my hubby is not yet used to it. some days are worse than others - and those I can usually tie to something I ate.
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Post by xr7conv on Apr 17, 2014 21:59:48 GMT -5
Don't feel strange that you are spending too much time. Like everyone has said this is good info and a really great supportive group of people. Tell DH that as a guy I spent a lot of time researching here before deciding on the DS or surgery at all. Then even more time just before and just after. I have trailed off but always am lurking in the background keeping track of my "imaginary friends" - that is all except Sharyl because she was my Angel during surgery! I have actually seen her, and so has my wife.
Funny thing being a guy is that it seems to be mostly ladies who are on here in a big way. I often feel like I am in the women's locker room!!! Kind of fun really - don't tell my wife. :-o
Keep up the good work and much success will be headed your way.
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Post by PrettyGirlBounce on Apr 18, 2014 22:01:07 GMT -5
When I first came here, I did obsess about it. And I'm sure I drove my husband nuts! Now, it's like "you know, (insert Lisa, Sharyl, Kenny etc. here) said...." from "the forum". He just accepts it as he's accepted all the other crazy changes that have taken place this past year. I, personally, will always be grateful I found this place, and hate to think of where I'd be without it. I believe angels guided me here. And Sharyl is right (as usual). As you get back to your "normal" life, you won't be on as much, as often. But that's the beauty- we'll all be here when you do check in! There's just so much to learn here. And too few people IRL that truly get it. Amy- I always said that I believed my hubby never even knew I pooped in all the years we've been together lol! Let alone farted. That's all changed Hahahaha. LMAO! Yep, my hubs knows the names of most of "my peeps" and when I have an issue or whatever he will ask me, "...what did your friends on the forum have to say about it?.." He knows now that he certainly can't help me with this stuff or give me advice, much less relate to what I am dealing with. He will make a VERY occasional comment about me being on here too long when he wants to watch something we dvr'd and I am not paying attention or some shit like that...but a gentle reminder is all it takes for me to shut it down for the night and give him my full attention (he's kind of a brat that way...but SO AM I!!! lol). If there is something funny said on here or something I know both of us can relate to (stinky farts and poop stories mainly lol), I will read it to him and he will get a chuckle out of it too. I think at this point he is pretty thankful I have such knowledgeable vets to turn to for advice and info. He also loves to see before and after pics of everyone. He is amazed at the wonder of the DS and thinks it is pretty cool that we all have each other. Also, if he tried to talk shit, I would have no problem reminding him how much time he spends each night adjusting his rosters on his 3 fantasy baseball leagues (*cough-cough*). DOH!
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Post by meq815 on Apr 18, 2014 22:18:09 GMT -5
BTW, PGB, how're you feeling?
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Post by PrettyGirlBounce on Apr 18, 2014 22:21:39 GMT -5
I was just like you .... Couldn't sleep so I would read posts for hours and post questions of my own. My husband was used to me getting online support for WLS since I was banded - but at first he was curious what I was reading all the time. Now if I am struggling with something he says automatically "check with your board - I bet they know!" Yes the old 90's chat rooms are probably your husband's hang up. Just let him know you're talking to a lot of recovering fatties. (no offense anyone - just teasing) and that it's no threat to your relationship with him. My own DH is one of my biggest cheerleaders - but my very stinky BMs are about to kill him. No spray helps. Sometimes I feel so sorry that he has to deal with that odor. I have spent probably over $150 this past year trying every air freshener under the sun and a lot of the ones recommended here. Some work better than others...but the smell is still there to some extent....meh. Life-changing event: This is probably so dumb and simple, but at the advice of my dear friend Leonie, I tried matches. Old school, straight up books of matches. BRILLIANT. My DH and I cannot BELIEVE how effective they work. I light one during my initial 'release' as soon as I sit down on the pot and let it burn out in one hand while I flush simultaneously with the other (WHILE the poo is physically coming out, NOT after). I always have to sit for 5-10 more minutes for 'residuals' and will light another match during that time. When I am completely done with everything and stand up, I light the 3rd and final match while standing and kind of wave it very slowly around the area at nose level until it burns out. People, I swear to gah...THIS RIDS *MY* SMELL COMPLETELY (can't vouch for y'all but my method is worth a shot, I promise). My family is thrilled by this discovery. It's cheap as hell too!!! ^^^ Teachermom - sorry if I offend your hubby if he reads this thread! Hahaaa this is about as raw and real as it gets girl!
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jjpink
New Member
Posts: 14
Surgery Type: DS
Surgery Date: December 2009
Surgeon: Dr.Mustafa Hares
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Post by jjpink on Apr 18, 2014 23:16:32 GMT -5
I was just like you .... Couldn't sleep so I would read posts for hours and post questions of my own. My husband was used to me getting online support for WLS since I was banded - but at first he was curious what I was reading all the time. Now if I am struggling with something he says automatically "check with your board - I bet they know!" Yes the old 90's chat rooms are probably your husband's hang up. Just let him know you're talking to a lot of recovering fatties. (no offense anyone - just teasing) and that it's no threat to your relationship with him. My own DH is one of my biggest cheerleaders - but my very stinky BMs are about to kill him. No spray helps. Sometimes I feel so sorry that he has to deal with that odor. I have spent probably over $150 this past year trying every air freshener under the sun and a lot of the ones recommended here. Some work better than others...but the smell is still there to some extent....meh. Life-changing event: This is probably so dumb and simple, but at the advice of my dear friend Leonie, I tried matches. Old school, straight up books of matches. BRILLIANT. My DH and I cannot BELIEVE how effective they work. I light one during my initial 'release' as soon as I sit down on the pot and let it burn out in one hand while I flush simultaneously with the other (WHILE the poo is physically coming out, NOT after). I always have to sit for 5-10 more minutes for 'residuals' and will light another match during that time. When I am completely done with everything and stand up, I light the 3rd and final match while standing and kind of wave it very slowly around the area at nose level until it burns out. People, I swear to gah...THIS RIDS *MY* SMELL COMPLETELY (can't vouch for y'all but my method is worth a shot, I promise). My family is thrilled by this discovery. It's cheap as hell too!!! ^^^ Teachermom - sorry if I offend your hubby if he reads this thread! Hahaaa this is about as raw and real as it gets girl! Whew!!! I have to agree about the matches. I GUARANTEE this works.... to a tee. I have a small box w/ me in my purse along w/ a concentrated room spray from Bath & Body Works. The spray is to kind of hide that I may be smoking in a public place. I do have the Poopurri w/ a travel size spray but sometimes I don't have time to spray the water before going. But yes the MATCHES work!! I actually like the smell of matches....
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Post by melanie74 on Apr 18, 2014 23:26:32 GMT -5
Matches - brilliant! Can't believe I hadn't thought of it. Gonna buy me a big old box for very bathroom.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2014 7:30:59 GMT -5
My BMs are frequently deadly, and have always been. No matter what I eat. I think this just happens to some people. I suggest getting an exhaust fan installed in the bathroom, flushing during pooping and immediately after, sometimes several times during the process. Put a scented candle in the bathroom 24/7, and spray air freshener before, during, and after. Also open the bathroom window before you sit down, and keep it open afterwards with the door closed. See we do agree on many things. My poop tends to stink a great deal now as well....note is isn't as horrific as I was lead to believe it would be, but man it tends to linger and is hard to get rid of.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2014 7:47:06 GMT -5
I was just like you .... Couldn't sleep so I would read posts for hours and post questions of my own. My husband was used to me getting online support for WLS since I was banded - but at first he was curious what I was reading all the time. Now if I am struggling with something he says automatically "check with your board - I bet they know!" Yes the old 90's chat rooms are probably your husband's hang up. Just let him know you're talking to a lot of recovering fatties. (no offense anyone - just teasing) and that it's no threat to your relationship with him. My own DH is one of my biggest cheerleaders - but my very stinky BMs are about to kill him. No spray helps. Sometimes I feel so sorry that he has to deal with that odor. I have spent probably over $150 this past year trying every air freshener under the sun and a lot of the ones recommended here. Some work better than others...but the smell is still there to some extent....meh. Life-changing event: This is probably so dumb and simple, but at the advice of my dear friend Leonie, I tried matches. Old school, straight up books of matches. BRILLIANT. My DH and I cannot BELIEVE how effective they work. I light one during my initial 'release' as soon as I sit down on the pot and let it burn out in one hand while I flush simultaneously with the other (WHILE the poo is physically coming out, NOT after). I always have to sit for 5-10 more minutes for 'residuals' and will light another match during that time. When I am completely done with everything and stand up, I light the 3rd and final match while standing and kind of wave it very slowly around the area at nose level until it burns out. People, I swear to gah...THIS RIDS *MY* SMELL COMPLETELY (can't vouch for y'all but my method is worth a shot, I promise). My family is thrilled by this discovery. It's cheap as hell too!!! ^^^ Teachermom - sorry if I offend your hubby if he reads this thread! Hahaaa this is about as raw and real as it gets girl! You know I was just getting ready to buy a box of the stick matches for that exact reason. The element used in matches, when lit absolutely "eats odor"....it doesn't cover it like "poop sprays" do. I told my wife for years that I hate the poop spray because they make it strawberry, or pot pouri flavored poop....and don't eliminate shit (pun intended). Teacher tell your husband you are perfectly normal and that you get great advice about living with this huge life changing even that you can't get anywhere else, and that you will be a hell of a lot harder to live with if you don't come here. That should work. BTW, I think your husband is acting like many spouses....it takes time for them to adjust and as much as they love us they don't feel what we do or fully comprehend what we are going through. My wife who loves me very much and has been through soooo much with our oldest son and me over the last five years really pissed me off one night and I blew up. It was New Years time and we took Cameron to Mayo for some much needed diagnostics. That is a little over a five hour trip so after being there for a few day we drove home late one day (in the snow). I was having a very hard time eating at that point and getting in protein was very difficult. We stopped at a restaurant and I ordered a shrimp alfredo type pasta so I could eat the shrimp and the sauce would help it go down. There was hardly any shrimp and I made a comment, Cameron (who lives at college so isn't around me all the time like the wife) said, just eat the pasta. Well of course I couldn't so I said, you don't understand..if I don't get in enough protein I will die. (I said it because my wife wasn't fully comprehening yet either) and they both smirked and chuckled and she said, "oh stop being so dramatic". I went off like a cannon and told her that if she loved me she would stop being so damn lazy and get off her ass and learn about this life changing event for me and her, like I had been asking her to do for months. It was a tense hour or two but everybody got over it and she finally started getting it. She still gives me a hard time about dinner because I will ask here where she goes or what she wants and she will say, "it doesn't matter because we will end up doing what you want/need to do anyway". That isn't entirely true because my range of foods that I can eat now has expanded greatly, but it is true to a certain degree so I really do understand where she is coming from. I do forget to tell her thank you for understanding what I need and for helping me out. I need to tell her thanks more often....as she is a great supporter now that she understands what I have to Eat (note I am getting very close to back to normal and would say I can eat a good 80% of what I used to , some just feels better than others.....sausages and hamburger sits like a brick still, but I can eat the crap out of steak...go figure). Anyway, hang and slap hubs around a little bit until he finally gets it.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2014 7:49:27 GMT -5
Don't feel strange that you are spending too much time. Like everyone has said this is good info and a really great supportive group of people. Tell DH that as a guy I spent a lot of time researching here before deciding on the DS or surgery at all. Then even more time just before and just after. I have trailed off but always am lurking in the background keeping track of my "imaginary friends" - that is all except Sharyl because she was my Angel during surgery! I have actually seen her, and so has my wife. Funny thing being a guy is that it seems to be mostly ladies who are on here in a big way. I often feel like I am in the women's locker room!!! Kind of fun really - don't tell my wife. :-oKeep up the good work and much success will be headed your way. If I could find a clip of that really bad 70's porn music I would be playing it right now! Seriously though, there is a high ratio of ladies to dudes on this board so I hear you on feeling like I am at a Tampon convention.....Please don't shoot me ladies.
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Post by melanie74 on Apr 19, 2014 23:05:22 GMT -5
Tampon convention??!! LOL!! Love your humor! There are so many seriously funny people on this board - one great reason to stay "plugged in" - because when it's a bad day - they'll get you smiling!
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