Post by Girlrocker on Mar 30, 2012 16:09:20 GMT -5
Inspired by Jamie to get my act in gear, here I am. MsVee said something that described my feeling this second time at the rodeo - cautiously optimistic. But also grateful every day for the gift of a second chance, and the insurance, medical leave benefits to cover it. When I had surgery the first time 10 years ago, I posted updates more frequently, especially since I went through nasty complications, a second surgery, and hernia surgery not long after that. This time, not so much, but active and happy to get to be in a WLS community again, online and meeting people in person. This is a bit of a rewind for me, a total life reset, it's long, my apologies!
A recap
Here I am at my top weight of 315lbs in the 1990s, with great big hair and all:
Here I am at 275 one day after my RNY in May 2002:
After my RNY - and before that, 22 years dealing with morbid obesity, major yo-yoing of 60lb-100lb losses/regains - I did ok, but couldn't get below 190 no matter what I did, and I was very diligent about living a new way of life- protein focused, modest complex carb, 64oz water, 5x weekly workouts. Very proud of these NSV behavior changes. Tried to make peace with this number and that I was improved. I maintained, then bounced between 195-205 for the next 7 years. Until I hit a big bump a couple years after I moved to LA when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, lived in Henderson, Nevada and I had been estranged for 8 years, obnoxious husband, went back into the fire- stress, depression and gained back to 240. Lost it after a year and half of a dedicated bootcamp training and nutrition program, but again, could NOT get under 190 no matter what. I was so depressed, felt so defeated, take a guess how long it was before I hit 240...again.
That's when I started to think about a revision which was September 2011. I hadn't been connected to any kind of WLS support in over 5 years, so I started looking, found DSfacts.com, you all on OH before the move here. Had 2 consults, one with Dr. K and another recommended by my PCP (wanted me to do band over by pass). I went with Dr. K and by early November I was approved and scheduled for Dec. 15. I was in complete shock - I truly thought it was a longshot and that I would be denied, I told my therapist we would have to work on that for me because I would be devastated. I'm telling you, it took a few weeks after my surgery for it to actually sink in, that it really happened.
It also came at a time where I reached my 5-year mark at work, became vested, and the better benefits kick in. I couldn't believe it. My job in of itself is very toxic, esp the boss (think a bit like Devil Wears Prada), have been looking for a new one for over 2 years now, but we all know the challenge of the economy, I'm 50, etc. So I was always grateful to still have a job in a cool place, and stunned that now, it truly would take care of me. I was going to be able to take off 3 fulls months at 100% pay to recover; had another 3 mos at 60% (not taxed so the pay is still good), but state law says the studio doesn't have to hold your job after 13 weeks. And we're going through a massive restructure, which kicked in one month before I took off for surgery. Nutso. But I had a lot of time and really needed to be away from work.
I didn't have a traditional post-op experience because of all the problems I had with my RNY. I was well aware of the things that could go wrong in major surgery since I had lived some of them, and also knew I almost never had anyone to talk to because I was in the minority. Living like I had was worse; the more I got to know Dr. K, spent time here, the clearer it became. I basically felt like a living dead person...again. I wanted a successful surgery, along with the work I was more than willing to do and had done. I was scared of having complications again, and there was the inner voice used to disappointment, saying I still would never get past 190. The one thing I will say is meeting Dr. K finally took me off the hook and I stopped blaming myself for being obese, for failing, once and for all. I took a deep breath, moved forward, and hoped for the best I would get a complication-free pass this time, was prepared for any and all.
The surgery
I was truly blessed with a smooth surgery - no thanks to a lot of adhesions due to my RNY, a suturing technique they used on my pouch that was very difficult for Dr. K to undo, separate my liver from my stomach and all the other fun things you too can find in your operative report
Plus the mesh from my hernia surgery was in the way. He told me about it after surgery, but reading about it, big OMG. Dr. K is amazing surgeon and all around doctor. Had great care at Verdugo, and was set up with a home health nurse since I'm single and live alone and my sister couldn't come out here as planned. Worked out great, took a lot of anxiety off me.
The recovery
Has been...great. Longer than I imagined it would be, took a lot of out of me energy-wise, and not just because of the obvious iron, anemia issues, but so smooth. I was happy to be restricted again, prepared for nausea, metallic taste, all the warts of surgery. I knew to sip, that eating would be a struggle, I'd be lucky if I found a few things I could stand. OK! Total do-over! I didn't even mind too much the feeding tube or the JP drains. It's not fun, and I had my moments where I couldn't believe I was here...again, and, just how much we go through to be healthy. But I didn't struggle going through it.
Walking is my main source of exercise, and having two small dogs that needed daily walks was a big help, they were my rehab buddies. That and living in a very hilly LA neighborhood don't hurt either, this is the hill I had to go up every day just to take the walk, and the puppitos who dance for our friends who are having challenges:
Here's the poop...on poop
I had already dealt with this in my RNY, unpleasant BMs, gas, so this wasn't new. Except the poop process - never in my life have I seen the colors I saw, or the shapes. Tan puzzle pieces! Green ferterlizer looking bits. One oil slick that had me slack-jawed. The expected diarrhea and uncontrollable need to hit the bathroom quick. By the end of February, a little over 2 months, things settled down. I was glad, but I knew it took that long, as you introduce your infant plumbing back into the world of food.
Where I'm at now, a little over 3 mos
Dr. K released me to my PCP's care end of February. Had my labs done and my iron, hemoglobin, hemocrit, folate, ferratin are all very low and need work. I'm pretty damn tired all the time and this is hard for me, I'm a very active, multi-tasking person, genuinely love working out and haven't since surgery, and, I do have to go back to work by May 1. Working through that with everyone - PCP, nutritionist who actually knows her stuff, including the malabsorption issues, and following up with Dr. K next week.
I haven't posted about my weight progress like I did the first time around. Sometimes it's like I can't breathe until I'm actually in the 180s. I have been walking the line of joy, appreciation, rebirthing...and that cautious optimism.
Side note (as if this weren't long enough already) You know how some people have that 'look', like they were never obese a day in their life? I'm not one of those, no way with the excess skin mileage. But my eating is truly disciplined, enough to be asked several times, 'how do you do it, how do you eat like that'? I had to work at it, hard. I'm someone who thought the 4 food groups were bread, pasta, rice and pizza, eating 3 PB&J bagel sandwiches for a snack common, car back seat, floors loaded with fast food bags. Secret eating, not wanting to go to overnight outings because I was embarrassed to eat in public, retrieving food out of the garbage I threw away in an attempt not to eat it. You get the drift - raging carb addict/compulsive eater. Or as my people say, 'meshugganah' - which is yiddish for crazy. It didn't happen overnight - therapy, anti-depressants, getting real with myself, being open to new things. So this discipline is one of my greatest NSV accomplishments, together with finding workout plans that I genuinely like. Thus, at first re-adding certain foods was kind of strange, I had truly lost my taste for stuff higher fat, less lean, oils, butter. But I am figuring out my own balance and it's so great.
Back to the numbers
Things got better as I got better and could eat more variety again. I noticed I responded well to red meat, and made a deal with myself to eat it daily in some form. I do 2 shakes a day to help with better protein absorption, since I'm challenged there. I finally saw that 199; my heart did a little leap, and then, it felt like a balloon you poked with a pin. How many times had I been here now?! Here's just one of the many rounds at this number I have documented:
This is me with Robin, one of my two mentors from my early support days 10 years ago when we finally met in person:
Oy. I didn't want to say anything until I was sure. After a week, I have now held 196. I felt this electrical surge that I can truly reach my goal for the first time in my life. Ever. And as a gift, did some shopping - and bought some really fun items, big score at the thrift store - just a wee bit snug, confident in 10 lbs they will fit as they should. A coupla samples:
This is a very sparkly, almost flapper-like dress, I love it!
and
Classic LA hippie, me, the Chicago rock chick who wore a lotta black:
I've got my first 3+ months behind me, thrilled with my progress on all levels. I don't measure in pounds lost per week, I just want them GONE. So glad to be here with all of you, and very ready for the next 3 months and more.
A recap
Here I am at my top weight of 315lbs in the 1990s, with great big hair and all:
Here I am at 275 one day after my RNY in May 2002:
After my RNY - and before that, 22 years dealing with morbid obesity, major yo-yoing of 60lb-100lb losses/regains - I did ok, but couldn't get below 190 no matter what I did, and I was very diligent about living a new way of life- protein focused, modest complex carb, 64oz water, 5x weekly workouts. Very proud of these NSV behavior changes. Tried to make peace with this number and that I was improved. I maintained, then bounced between 195-205 for the next 7 years. Until I hit a big bump a couple years after I moved to LA when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, lived in Henderson, Nevada and I had been estranged for 8 years, obnoxious husband, went back into the fire- stress, depression and gained back to 240. Lost it after a year and half of a dedicated bootcamp training and nutrition program, but again, could NOT get under 190 no matter what. I was so depressed, felt so defeated, take a guess how long it was before I hit 240...again.
That's when I started to think about a revision which was September 2011. I hadn't been connected to any kind of WLS support in over 5 years, so I started looking, found DSfacts.com, you all on OH before the move here. Had 2 consults, one with Dr. K and another recommended by my PCP (wanted me to do band over by pass). I went with Dr. K and by early November I was approved and scheduled for Dec. 15. I was in complete shock - I truly thought it was a longshot and that I would be denied, I told my therapist we would have to work on that for me because I would be devastated. I'm telling you, it took a few weeks after my surgery for it to actually sink in, that it really happened.
It also came at a time where I reached my 5-year mark at work, became vested, and the better benefits kick in. I couldn't believe it. My job in of itself is very toxic, esp the boss (think a bit like Devil Wears Prada), have been looking for a new one for over 2 years now, but we all know the challenge of the economy, I'm 50, etc. So I was always grateful to still have a job in a cool place, and stunned that now, it truly would take care of me. I was going to be able to take off 3 fulls months at 100% pay to recover; had another 3 mos at 60% (not taxed so the pay is still good), but state law says the studio doesn't have to hold your job after 13 weeks. And we're going through a massive restructure, which kicked in one month before I took off for surgery. Nutso. But I had a lot of time and really needed to be away from work.
I didn't have a traditional post-op experience because of all the problems I had with my RNY. I was well aware of the things that could go wrong in major surgery since I had lived some of them, and also knew I almost never had anyone to talk to because I was in the minority. Living like I had was worse; the more I got to know Dr. K, spent time here, the clearer it became. I basically felt like a living dead person...again. I wanted a successful surgery, along with the work I was more than willing to do and had done. I was scared of having complications again, and there was the inner voice used to disappointment, saying I still would never get past 190. The one thing I will say is meeting Dr. K finally took me off the hook and I stopped blaming myself for being obese, for failing, once and for all. I took a deep breath, moved forward, and hoped for the best I would get a complication-free pass this time, was prepared for any and all.
The surgery
I was truly blessed with a smooth surgery - no thanks to a lot of adhesions due to my RNY, a suturing technique they used on my pouch that was very difficult for Dr. K to undo, separate my liver from my stomach and all the other fun things you too can find in your operative report
Plus the mesh from my hernia surgery was in the way. He told me about it after surgery, but reading about it, big OMG. Dr. K is amazing surgeon and all around doctor. Had great care at Verdugo, and was set up with a home health nurse since I'm single and live alone and my sister couldn't come out here as planned. Worked out great, took a lot of anxiety off me. The recovery
Has been...great. Longer than I imagined it would be, took a lot of out of me energy-wise, and not just because of the obvious iron, anemia issues, but so smooth. I was happy to be restricted again, prepared for nausea, metallic taste, all the warts of surgery. I knew to sip, that eating would be a struggle, I'd be lucky if I found a few things I could stand. OK! Total do-over! I didn't even mind too much the feeding tube or the JP drains. It's not fun, and I had my moments where I couldn't believe I was here...again, and, just how much we go through to be healthy. But I didn't struggle going through it.
Walking is my main source of exercise, and having two small dogs that needed daily walks was a big help, they were my rehab buddies. That and living in a very hilly LA neighborhood don't hurt either, this is the hill I had to go up every day just to take the walk, and the puppitos who dance for our friends who are having challenges:
Here's the poop...on poop
I had already dealt with this in my RNY, unpleasant BMs, gas, so this wasn't new. Except the poop process - never in my life have I seen the colors I saw, or the shapes. Tan puzzle pieces! Green ferterlizer looking bits. One oil slick that had me slack-jawed. The expected diarrhea and uncontrollable need to hit the bathroom quick. By the end of February, a little over 2 months, things settled down. I was glad, but I knew it took that long, as you introduce your infant plumbing back into the world of food.
Where I'm at now, a little over 3 mos
Dr. K released me to my PCP's care end of February. Had my labs done and my iron, hemoglobin, hemocrit, folate, ferratin are all very low and need work. I'm pretty damn tired all the time and this is hard for me, I'm a very active, multi-tasking person, genuinely love working out and haven't since surgery, and, I do have to go back to work by May 1. Working through that with everyone - PCP, nutritionist who actually knows her stuff, including the malabsorption issues, and following up with Dr. K next week.
I haven't posted about my weight progress like I did the first time around. Sometimes it's like I can't breathe until I'm actually in the 180s. I have been walking the line of joy, appreciation, rebirthing...and that cautious optimism.
Side note (as if this weren't long enough already) You know how some people have that 'look', like they were never obese a day in their life? I'm not one of those, no way with the excess skin mileage. But my eating is truly disciplined, enough to be asked several times, 'how do you do it, how do you eat like that'? I had to work at it, hard. I'm someone who thought the 4 food groups were bread, pasta, rice and pizza, eating 3 PB&J bagel sandwiches for a snack common, car back seat, floors loaded with fast food bags. Secret eating, not wanting to go to overnight outings because I was embarrassed to eat in public, retrieving food out of the garbage I threw away in an attempt not to eat it. You get the drift - raging carb addict/compulsive eater. Or as my people say, 'meshugganah' - which is yiddish for crazy. It didn't happen overnight - therapy, anti-depressants, getting real with myself, being open to new things. So this discipline is one of my greatest NSV accomplishments, together with finding workout plans that I genuinely like. Thus, at first re-adding certain foods was kind of strange, I had truly lost my taste for stuff higher fat, less lean, oils, butter. But I am figuring out my own balance and it's so great.
Back to the numbers
Things got better as I got better and could eat more variety again. I noticed I responded well to red meat, and made a deal with myself to eat it daily in some form. I do 2 shakes a day to help with better protein absorption, since I'm challenged there. I finally saw that 199; my heart did a little leap, and then, it felt like a balloon you poked with a pin. How many times had I been here now?! Here's just one of the many rounds at this number I have documented:
This is me with Robin, one of my two mentors from my early support days 10 years ago when we finally met in person:
Oy. I didn't want to say anything until I was sure. After a week, I have now held 196. I felt this electrical surge that I can truly reach my goal for the first time in my life. Ever. And as a gift, did some shopping - and bought some really fun items, big score at the thrift store - just a wee bit snug, confident in 10 lbs they will fit as they should. A coupla samples:
This is a very sparkly, almost flapper-like dress, I love it!
and
Classic LA hippie, me, the Chicago rock chick who wore a lotta black:
I've got my first 3+ months behind me, thrilled with my progress on all levels. I don't measure in pounds lost per week, I just want them GONE. So glad to be here with all of you, and very ready for the next 3 months and more.
